Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room

Swing Time

Ah, it's Tuesday and I have my dancing shoes all polished and my hair nicely done. Now, if Bubba, my personal valet hadn't burned a big hole in the chiffon at the back of my skirt, I'd be all ready to play. Don't you just hate that?

Well, as I get out the thick leather paddle to get Bubba back in line, do take the time to check out the dance card at this week's Cotillion Ball. Our hostesses this week, the voluptuous temptress Denita, the ocassionally prattling yet endearing and bouffanted Darlene, and the bepearled and vivacious RightGirl, will be donning their honorary tiaras and guarding that punchbowl. No, we don't mind if you spike it, but be sure to bring a better quality of adult beverage, please. The cheap stuff gives us headaches, and there's not much worse than a Debutante with a hangover. Trust me. Bubba's about to find out just how bad it can be.

Thank You

Words cannot convey the deep and humble gratitude I feel at this time. What was initially a horrific experience has been turned into one of awesome belonging and, dare I say it, Family.

It's hard to find the words... It truly is. All the words that come to mind sound trite and cliche, but sometimes they are the only ones that say what needs to be said.

Thank you so very, very much. Your kind words, your offers of assistance, and the selfless sharing of the fruits of your own hard labor and sacrifice have been overwhelming. Bloggers, readers, friends from the Loyal Citizens chatroom, Texans, Cheeseheads, Jersey guys, Hoosier girls, all of you have my thanks and the thanks of my little family.

I knew how good you all were when you made Anna's birthday so special last November, and you all went way above and beyond then. But nothing compares to this. Nothing even comes close. I just don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you all for your kindness and generosity. I am forever in your debt.

I feel so special.

I've never been tagged for a meme before, so this is all new to this wise-cracking, bitter, old housewife. Courtesy of Michelle at Meanderings, let's see what I can do with this.

If I could be an Professor, I'd infiltrate some really insanely liberal school, one of those colleges with a high moonbat:normal ratio, dressed like a typical moonbat professor of Post-Columbian Non-Aboriginal Intergender Political Appreciation. I would show up with fuzzy hair, large dangly earings, a braided leather cord around my neck with shards of old flowerpot hanging on it, a pocketed t-shirt with no bra, and a skirt made from about an acre of hand-painted batik gauze.

My classes would be filled with angry women of ambiguous sexuality and neutered men. Any of them with half a lick of sense would fail the course, be booted from school, and encouraged to get a real degree. The rest of the class would be forced to read every book written by Thomas Sowell, the entire Federalist Papers, and watch John Wayne war movies. Their semester final thesis would be a defense of the Fair Tax, the Death Penalty, Secure National Borders, or a detailed analysis of the Dan Rather Memo Scandal.

If I could be a Librarian, the library would have to contain a sizable collection of porn Erotic Literature, hand selected by me and my literary compatriot, Velociman, purely for it's tittilation factor.

If I could be a TV-Chat show host, it would feature Catfish as my co-host, a dunk tank filled with "Home Made Wine" and a band comprised of Farookin Jim, Acidman, Denny, and Neil. Their costumes would be vintage Earth, Wind, and Fire with the asses cut out. If a guest pissed me off, my bouncer, Dog the Bounty Hunter, would pitch them into the dunk tank and the audience would bid for the honor of dunking that guest. All proceeds from the Dunk Tank would go to fund scholarships for military dependents.

If I could be an Athlete, well, the world as we know it will have ended, because this is so far from the realms of both Possibility and Imagination as to transcend Myth.

If I could be a Bonnie Pirate, I'd sail the seas with El Capitan and ZiPpo on a yacht we "liberated" from the Kennedy Compound in Taxechussetts. We'd carouse in Costa Rica, peruse the pickings in Puerto Rico, dominate the Dominican Republic, Hell-raise in Haiti, and molest the Virgin Islands. Our holds would be filled with black rum, 25yr old single malt, and Cohibas. The deckhands would all be either tall, dark, and handsome, or comely lasses in great variety (for El Capitan and ZiPpo, or course), all selected for their Special Talents.

Now, time to extend this merriment on to some other deserving blogger. Ah, who in my vile wickedness do I select?

Delftsman, as my Spousal Unit, consider yourself Tagged. And in your company, I also tag Jeremy of American Warmonger because he's such a damned stud, and my Blogson/Nephew Slaglerock because he's a damned stud too. (see a pattern here?)

Now, for you Tagged Folkses, read on below for the list of "If I" possibilities. Pick at least five, and have fun. Then pick your own victims.

Here's the list:

If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary…
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect…
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an innkeeper…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer…
If I could be a backup dancer…
If I could be a llama-rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be a midget stripper…
If I could be a proctologist…
If I could be a TV-Chat show host…
If I could be an actor…
If I could be a judge…

A little good news.

Well, I, for one, am glad.

And I like it when I dance in the rain and my hair gets wet. I'd dance with you anytime, Rob.

She Lives! She Lives!

Yes, Kelley, the rumors of your demise were blessfully quashed when I wandered over to Technorati and found your link! I was delighted! I so missed your quick, direct, and often "Slice and Dice" style, not to mention the Spidey updates.

*sad sigh* Wish I could have been there at the blogfest, too, Pretty Lady. Would have been great to see you and all of the gang again. Maybe next fall, but please try to convince our Sadistic Tour Directors and Cultural Advisors to find a place a little less expensive than Helen... Personally, I'd love to see Savannah, and a blogfest would be just the ticket.

Anyway, welcome back, Mistress Kelley. Missed you.

Thing of Beauty

I received a package in the mail on Friday from my dear, sweet friend, Catfish. I had been expecting it, as he had told me he had collected seashells from the beach at Jekyl Island for my daughter.

True to his word, there were beautiful shells in this box. A flat scallop shell, a beautiful clam shell, a small welk and a smooth sea snail shell. Even a fragile group of dainty barnicle was in this box, wrapped securely in white paper.

Every little piece of beauty had come from his morning walk in the sand, coaxed from their chilly, damp hiding places by his toes.

And then, slid in along one side of the box I found a small box for me. In this small box, a little treasure rested.

It's so nice to be thought of by such a good person. I wish I could repay all the good feelings I've experienced since that very first email many months ago.

Thank you, Sugar. It is truly beautiful.

*Heavy Sigh*

Well, the Georgia Writers Workshop, aka "The Wrekyl in Jekyl" begins tomorrow and folks are busily preparing to dash off to the cozy resort of Jekyl Island, GA. Acidman, Velocigod, Catfish, the Adorable Zonker, and many, many more will be there.

I, however, will not. *sigh*

Yes, the constraints of work and the gods of responsibility wielded their mighty powers and conspired against me this weekend, so I will instead be trudging off to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to eek a meager living and support my little family.

All in all, I'd rather be walking the beach, feeling the sea and sand swirling and sucking between my chubby and pearl-red nailed toes. I'd much rather be shopping the little shops in the company of Catfish, stopping for a moment for a coffee or a diet coke where we could watch the people busily being tourists.

And at night? V-man's infamous "Punch" and Catfish's "home-made wine" and spirited conversation and hyjinks would certainly fit the bill. I'm sure Acidman will end up with bright red toenails again (I'd be disappointed if he didn't), and guitars will be pulled from their cases and coaxed into accompaniment for the laughter and boisterous story telling.

I hope all of you Georgia Bloggers have a great time. Don't forget your Token Hoosier. I sure wish I could have worked the schedule and been there. Raise a glass (or mason jar) for me, and you all kiss Catfish for me. Well, everyone of the female persuasion, anyway. Especially the pretty ones.

Have fun. Wish I were there.

Texas Blogfest Photos!

Yes, yes, yes, I know. Procrastination is my middle name but I finally did download the photos from my trusty cam. Took me long enough, but I did it.

Such a group! This was the gang who went to BillyBob's in Ft. Worth on Saturday night. Talk about an amazing place. I don't think I saw but an eighth of it, and would love to go back and see it all.

Such men they have in Texas! An Emperor AND a King and Tyrant at the same table! Can you see why I didn't want to come back to Indiana? A woman would have to be nuts not to like it down there.

There was even a pirate. Don't that beat all? Arrrrgghh, ZiPpo! You certainly shivered my timbers, Cap'n.

Yes, cuteness abounds in Texas. Even the "Starter Men" are cute as the dickens.

Wait! Who is this? Reflected in the background of a larger picture of the "Starter Man" we find this? Could it be? Is that a Cheesehead? Why, I do believe it is!

And this followed me home... Actually, he dragged me back, kicking and screaming if you want the honest truth. *sigh*

Well, I'm keeping my schedule open, in case I get to participate in the next one. A great time was had by all, and the next one should be even better.

See what you all missed by not attending?

I Did It!

Remember that book I've been writing? And how I finished it the other day? And how excited I was about it?

Well, I'm even more excited now!

Even his Imperial Rottiness was pleased. What more could a girl want?

Finished!!!

As of this evening, I have completed the first draft of the novel!

Sure, I realize it is far from being truly finished, but this is like getting the frame work done on a house and finally seeing kinda what it's going to look like when it's done.

I had a lot of help on this, and to all of those folks, I am incredibly thankful. I have also formatted it for 6"x9" trade paperback size, and even in it's current un-fleshed state we're looking at just under 200 pages, just at 53,000 words. Not bad for a first effort by a little old housewife in Indiana.

Hopefully this means a return to more regular blogging. This poor little site has really suffered from my inablilty to multi-task creatively. I can multi-task the mundane, but not things like this.

Wish me luck. I start with the agency query letters this week. I have a couple of leads I will be looking into.

And thank you for all of your patience.

Vote!

The judging is on at Slaglerock's Slaughterhouse. Go on over and cast your vote for the best.

Looks like Beaker has me beat, but damn, it's a good one. Can't complain. Not like I'm being beat by something drawn in crayola, I guess.

Get on over and cast your vote for your favorite.

Slagle Rocks.

The Blog-son and Nephew is having a contest and asking for YOUR version of the new Democrat Party Flag. So not to be outdone, I've done one of my own.

Scream on over there and submit your own!

Iraqi Election Video

You want to know how the Iraqi Election went? You want to know how disorganized and poorly conducted it was? You want to know how the people had no interest in voting?

Then don't bother to go here. You'll be sorely disappointed.

Thank you, Lucianne, for the incredible link. You are so the best.

A Coldfury Spelling Bee

What can I say, Mike pretty much spells it out:

Condi didn’t lie to anybody, and neither did Dubya. Lying implies both knowledge and intent, and neither has been remotely established, nor will they be, because they do not exist. We know that Saddam at one time had WMD’s; there is simply no argument possible on this. The fact of their existence was unquestioned by anybody, including the UN, after the first Gulf War, and we know he actually used them on more than one occasion. What we don’t know is where they all went, and if you on the Left were truly concerned about American security in the age of global terrorism you’d be a lot more worried about that than you are. You are not serious about defending this country. You are dead wrong, and you do not deserve to be taken seriously.

There's OH so much more to read...go there, NOW!!

Why are you still here? Click on the link or poo will fly!

All Work and No Play Revisited

Fox News reports that Peer Larson's lawsuit against his school has been dropped.

Here's the best part:

The attorney general considers the complaint "unmeritorious," and wants a court to order the student and his dad to cough up lawyers' fees. (emphasis mine)

Not only should they pay the lawyer fees, but the court fees, and ANY OTHER costs the school district, state, and the teacher in question had to incur fighting this ridiculous suit. That and the little punk should be forced to write: I will not be an assnugget a thousand times on the chalkboard...

meh.

Silk Purses and Sow's Ears

A-Men

Shamelessly yoinked from The Corner

It's 2:40 AM.

I am still laughing.

And I'm happy too. Butch is back. I've missed him.

Prizes! Winners! Losers!

Jim, the intrepid Joisey Blogger who braved the wilds of Helen, GA for Blogtoberfest, has posted his picks for the best and worst of 2004. For the most part, I agree with him.

Productive Day

Had a relatively productive day yesterday at work. Finished the draft of the first chapter of the online novel, and started the second chapter. Doggerel Pundit and I have been working on this little project for just a short time, only when inspiration hits, and I have to admit I'm kinda pleased with the results so far.

No, I'm not showing it publicly yet. I've shared it with a few folks in IM, but that's as far as it's gone. Soon, perhaps. When it starts to look like something. Maybe. But I'm happy with it.

Scrooge, Redux

Ah, just when you need a good laugh, you find one in an improbably place. Isn't that just the way it works?

Today, I found it in the form of a delightful piece at Tech Central Station by Douglas Kern. A Christmas Carol will never be the same for me after reading some of the scenarios Mr. Kern dreamed up. And no one is safe from his sharp wit. Kerry, Edward, Kerik, even zombie maven George A. Romero gets pulled into the mix.

Kinda makes a person wonder how some of my fellow bloggers would have done with the Scrooge story...Hm....I wonder... (hazy dream sequence)

At the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, Scrooge is visited by a Ghost of Christmas Past who looks incredibly like a young Golda Mier, a Ghost of Christmas Present with a remarkable resemblance to Yassir Arrafat's mouldering corpse, and a Ghost of Christmas Future who appears as an amazingly buff and well armed member of the IDF. Christmas Past shows him a summer from his idealist youth spent as a Peace Corps member building a school on a Kibbutz, Christmas Present shows him the idiocy of his stance as a self-loathing, Palestinian-embracing, liberal afraid of his own stereotype, and Christmas Future drags Scrooge to Ramallah and points out a hole and stone right next to Arrafat's. Inscribed on the stone are the letters "F.E.T.E." Scrooge immediately goes back to Synagogue, begins voting conservative, and buys several handguns which he distributes to the Cratchet family over Christmas.

At Gutrumbles, Scrooge gets the ghost of Christmas Past so drunk and stoned that they pass out together in an Effingham County juke joint and miss the appearances of the other ghosts completely. Scrooge then takes Christmas Past with him to Costa Rica and they spend six weeks trying to decide how much to tip the maid if she gives them "Extra" room service.

At Parkway RestStop, Scrooge is taken to the Meadowlands and introduced to the Ghost of Christmas Past who looks remarkably like the elder Jimmy Hoffa. He is given an offer he can't refuse and left there to find his own way home, thereby missing the ghosts of Christmas Present and Future who got tired of waiting for him to return to his condo in Atlantic City.

At Inblognito, the Ghost of Christmas Past shows up at the Queenie McScrooge residence with bag of Maui Wowie and a sterling silver one-hitter. Chirstmas Present brings her significant other, Prudence, and tries to argue about HTML tags and FTP hosts, only to have her latex encased, protoplasmic ass handed to her. Christmas Future staggers in from Costa Rica with a rainbow of 9 different shades of lipstick on his Roscoe. He had spent the last week trying to find out why Christmas Past had such a good time there with that scrawny Jawja Scrooge, only to find out, but now has only a sketchy recollection of events. Queenie McScrooge wakes up 3 days later and doesn't remember any of it, but does acknowledge having some pretty interesting new flashbacks.

In Spatulaville, Christmas Past, Present and Future each are pimp-slapped by Lord Spatula when he mistakes each of them for trolls from the comment threads at both his blog and the Rottie. They stagger from the front porch and fall into the bushes, where the local constabulary find them and mistake them for hippies and arrest them. They are cuffed, stuffed into the backs of three squad cars, and ceremoniously booked, printed, strip-searched, deloused, interrogated, and placed in the tank with 17 members of the Hell's Angels motorcycle gang, Laredo chapter. The next morning, they are found stuffed into the ventilation shaft, through the grate, and are charged with attempting to escape.

At Protein Wisdom, Scrooge consumes Velveta and blackberry jam sandwiches with Boones Farm Sangria in the company of a beautiful, young woman who tells him that she cannot date him. She is, she insists, engaged in a profoundly intimate relationship with the Ghost of Christmas Trout, and so rebuffs Scrooge. Scrooge then drives his vintage AMC Gremlin to Gallup, New Mexico to breakfast on pancakes at Gabriel's Kitchen along a straight stretch of Route 66. He then proceeds to Dallas. There he sits in the easement along the interstate with a steno pad and ultrafine Sharpie and composes haiku about Velveeta and blackberry jam sandwiches and the inhumanity of being in Dallas when the AAA counter girl distinctly stated she was planning his route to Shelbyville, Indiana.

At Emigre with a Digital Cluebat, Scrooge is up watching bondage p0rn when the Ghost of Christmas Past shows up in what he mistakes is a long white nightie. He quickly subdues her, trusses her up, and proceeds to spank her ample bottom until she squeals and begs to be let go. When Christmas Present shows up, he is so shocked at the scene, that he leaves immediately and goes to a gay bath house in Cinncinati for consolation. Christmas Future, however, is undaunted at what he sees, and quickly picks up a smooth leather paddle and joins Scrooge in punishing Christmas Past. Eventually they release her, and she is so grateful that she [CENSORED]. Scrooge and Christmas Future sit down to a bit of single malt, a good Dominican cigar and a discussion on how hard it is to find good submissives these days, while Christmas Past kneels on the floor in the corner awaiting her next command.

Operation Lump of Coal

Some of you, by now, may have heard about the city of Denver's idiotarianistic decision to exclude religious themes from their CHRISTMAS parade.

Well...Conservative Blogger Babe Michelle Malkin is leading the charge to send they Mayor of Denver what he deserves--A big lump of jet black coal!

If you've got the time, resources, and a little gumption, spread the word and send a message to those asshats who are so threatened by dat evul babee jeebus!

Personally, being sithmonkey and all, I'd rather send him a big lump of something else... ;)

I So Rule...

Aaron, AKA The Liberal Slayer, has bestowed upon me the greatest honor a Sithmonkey such as myself could ever hope to attain...

MY OWN BLOGOPOLY PIECE!!!

This is the piece ALL the fine ladies will be fightin' over come game time...;)

Thanks a million, Aaron! A crate of the finest veal ewoks has been shipped to your domocile.

Original Post: The Return of Blogopoly

Caption Contest

"Helen Thomas was seen discussing a future conjugal assignation with Sen. Robert Byrd at fairwell festivities honoring Sen. Tom Daschle last Friday."

Oh, so you can do better? Fine.

Liberal Whining

If you want to see just how a Cluebatting™ SHOULD be performed upon one of those deluded individuals known as liberals, go to Poisoning Pigeons and see a master of the art at work.

Elizabeth does all of us in the VRWC proud with a clear and concise cutdown of a person so far out of her mind with fear/idiocy that I don't know how she can continue to function.

Thank You!

Thanks for the nominations. I'm sure I didn't make the cut, as there were some very excellent blogs nominated in those catagories, but it was sure nice to see this little site listed.

You all are too kind.

My Christmas List

I've been compiling my Christmas list. I don't want much, and I thought I'd post it here in case you are having problems thinking up the things you might also like to have. Sometimes looking at someone else's list can give you ideas for things you may like to add to your own.

1. For someone who is financially able to click on the Wounded Warrior button and send a backpack to a returning wounded warrior.

2. For people to drop change into the shiny red kettles as often as they can.

3. For someone to go through the pantry and cabinets for whatever cans and boxes that can be spared, and take them to the local food bank.

4. For someone to knock on a housebound neighbor's door and wish them a Merry Christmas.

5. For people to call the parent, or sibling, or child from whom they have been estranged by time or distance and just say "Hello, how are you."

6. For parents to spend an evening making Christmas or Hanukkah cards with their little ones, even if it is just a particularly "spectacular" one they can send to a grandparent or favorite auntie or uncle.

7. For all of you to pace yourselves and not let the season overwhelm you.

It's not much of a list, to be sure, but I sure would like to believe that I could get everything on my list. What's on your list that I might be able to do for you?

Happy Thanksgiving

For all of you who took the time to be supportive and kind when we needed that, I am eternally thankful.

For all of the brave men and women to stood up and took an oath to protect this country both at home and abroad, in relative safety or on the front lines, I am eternally thankful.

For all of the bounty of this blessed nation, be it the fruits of farm and field, the outcome of industry, or the invention of gifted minds, I am eternally thankful.

For all of the civic minded citizens of this county, this state, this nation who kept themselves informed and raised their voices by way of the voting booth on November 2nd, I am eternally thankful.

For our elected officials who face difficult and thankless work over their terms in office, even if they don't always see things the way I do or vote the way I would have, I am eternally thankful.

For the parents to brought me into this world, raised me to be independent and to work hard on my education and later at my chosen work, I am eternally thankful.

For my beautiful daughter and understanding husband, I am eternally thankful.

For my online family, and you all know who you are, I am eternally thankful. God bless you all.

Kroger Makes it Right.

I received a call this afternoon that I was unable to get to. When I checked the *69, it was a number I didn't recognize. As I was dialing the number, my email alert let me know I had received mail from Kroger regarding my complaint.

I opened the email, and it was from the manager of the store where I had experienced the poor customer service. The manager, Jodi, stated that she would like to discuss the incident with me, and to call her at (lo and behold) the number I had just taken from my *69.

She was very unhappy with the incident that caused my complaint, explaining that she had been the manager at this particular store for only a few months and that this was not a type of behavior that she found acceptable. Between the two of us, me giving a description and her going through her employees on the clock at the time of the incident, we tried to determine who it might have been.

She apologized for the incident, and told me that she would mail a gift card to me, or if I preferred to have one at the customer service counter in my name. I opted for the customer service counter, because the hams I had originally wanted were still on sale, but would not be when the card would arrive.

So, I bundled the family into the car and drove up to Kroger. True to her word, the gift card was at the counter, and Jodi was busily sacking groceries for one of her cashiers. I introduced myself, we spoke for a few minutes, and I went off in hunt of my ham.

As I was making my selection, Jodi approached me to ask if I had found what I wanted, and to ask me if the young man who took my ham to slice it was the one from the prior incident. He was not, as he was much younger than the man I remembered.

We stood and talked a few minutes. I told her about Kroger's online comment page being down, and that I had used PlanetFeedback to make my complaint. She was curious about that site, and I believe that she will take a look at it. She also stated that she had read my post, since I had referenced it in my letter through PlanetFeedback.

As she was leaving to go take care of other issues in the store, she said that there were a couple additional people who may have come over from the deli that day to help out in meats. I agreed to go see if one of them may have been the one, but on "hanging out" at the deli counter, I never saw either one of them. Apparently they were busy in the back, or on break, as they never stepped out to the front.

Well, my ham looks great. The young man who sliced it for me cut it just as I wanted it and even wrapped it in three packages so that I can freeze two and leave one down for the next few days sandwiches or beans. He was very courteous and even endeared himself to Anna by offering her the trimmed off ends of the ham to nibble on while we waited.

Considering this must be the busiest day of a grocer's year, I was very impressed with the time Jodi took to talk to me, both on the phone and in the store, to resolve this and to make me satisfied with her handling of the incident. I truly believe that she will continue to work to find out who this person was and either re-train him in customer service, or take some sort of action, depending on his prior history as an employee.

I will certainly give the Kroger at 86th Street and Township Line Road another chance. I am certain that if I have any further disappointment with the service or quality in this store, I will be able to approach Jodi or her other managers and reach a suitable resolution.

Thank you, Jodi, for your time and for your dedication to providing a good experience in your store. I appreciate it greatly.

Bi-partisianship!

I stole borrowed this from Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta. It was just too funny NOT to swipe show here!

Mama will probably make me take it down, (Pixie, when will my new digs be ready?) seeing as how she's a HomespunBlogger and all, but I thought it was hilarious!

update: Darn it! I was right...that mean old lady made me take it down, you'll just have to go to Denny's place and see it there.

Joke of the Day

Hat tip to Catfish!

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2004 Weblog Awards!

It is time to go make your voices heard at Wizbang's 2004 Weblog Awards. Nominations were opened this evening, and the catagories run the gamut, from Best Overall Blog, through the political spectrum, and across the TTLB Ecosphere as well.

I've made a few nominations myself (no, not for me. I'm not worthy) and encourage you to do the same (no, not for me. I'm not worthy). Lots of great blogs out there that you may be reading and that I'm not even aware exist. Just read the instructions, drop your nominations in the comments below each catagory, and move on to the next. Don't feel like you have to nominate someone in every catagory, because that's just impossible. I don't think I even read any true Tech Blogs.

Head on over. Let your voice be heard now, and start amping up for the actual voting in mid-December.

Wanna Be Santa?

And speaking of Big-Box stores, have you heard the ads for Kmart lately?

It seems they are having a promotion where someone will win their wishlist, up to a total of $500, one person every day until Christmas. As a matter of fact, they are encouraging people to register a person or family that is currently in need, enter a wishlist for that person or family, and enter them daily in the contest. There will be a winner every day until Christmas, and the winner will be notified by email. What a nice way to be a "Secret Santa" for someone.

I'm sure you all know someone, including deployed military, who could really use $500 toward Christmas. Sign up a friend or neighbor who's in Iraq or Afghanistan, or on a ship at sea. Enter someone you know is in physical rehab at Walter Reed, or recuperating at Camp Pendleton. Compile a wishlist pulled from Health and Beauty, Apparel, even some sports items, up to a total of $500, and then hit the website and sign your selected person up for the drawing each day.

Can you imagine a huge box from Kmart arriving unannounced at Camp Rhino or Baghdad Airport? How much fun would it be to get a perplexed email from the sandbox trying to figure out how they won, and little Secret Santa you would be the only one who knows.

It's really easy to do. On the Kmart home page has a place for entering, and another for building a wishlist. I wonder of Greyhawk from Mudville Gazette has a wishlist. Questing Cat perhaps could use a box of things to distribute to his crew, too. Cruise along the Milblogs list and find one you'd like to "sponsor" and get them signed up. Just make sure you check "no" for receiving Kmart ads via email, so they aren't tipped off to what you're doing.

I just know you all would make great Secret Santas, and this one won't cost you anything but time.

Awwww, Too bad.

Thanks to Jack, the Conservative Insurgent, the intrepid seeker of excellent news and generous sharer of links, we have news that the Washington Post has awakened and smelled the coffee.

WashingtonPost.com is no longer running the cartoons of hard-hitting liberal Ted Rall.

Rall said he thinks the site dropped his work because of a Nov. 4 cartoon he did showing a drooling, mentally handicapped student taking over a classroom. "The idea was to draw an analogy to the electorate -- in essence, the idiots are now running the country," he told E&P.

Ted Rall, the malcontent "cartoonist," and I use that word loosely to describe his drivel, will no longer malign the dead, ridicule the handicapped, or jeer at the survivors of tragedy on the pages of the Washington Post. Nor will he be gracing the pages of the New York Times, which banished him from their pages last winter.

Couldn't happen to a nicer misanthrope.

Yeah, Right, Whatever

Beth of Yeah, Right, Whatever is suffering from post-election blahs over in her corner of the blogiverse.

She's a hellacious writer, right on point with her observations, and a good read any day of the week. Skip on over there and give her a read and drop a few comments on her. Perk her up. Just remind her, we only have a year before HillaryWatch fires up in earnest for the 2006 Senatorial elections.

And while you're at it, slip her into your blogrolls if you haven't done it already. You'll be glad you did.

Marlboro Man Photo Distresses Donks!

Coldfury has the scoop on a pack of liberal ninnies, who are a bit non-plussed over that evil marine and the cigarette dangling defiantly from his weary face...Go there...now...

....why are you still reading this, you insolent curr!!??

A New Awakening?

Well, the Dutch have woken up to the threat of Islamic presence in Europe and are starting to fight back, and now the Germans are starting to be roused from a sound sleep too. Even the mass media in Germany is starting to let the alarm ring. The *spit*French*spit* have had more than one wake-up call, but prefer to hit the snooze feature and go back to a deep slumber.

I just wonder if Europe needs it's own 9/11 or Breslan before they realize the danger they are harboring in their midst. I sincerely hope not, for the sake of the innocents at peril, but sometimes it takes a harsh lesson to bring it home to the sombulent denizens of the old countries. I only hope that they awaken before that occurs and join us in rooting out the evil that is Islamofacism.

Update: If you want to see the film that inflamed the sensibilities of the Dutch Muslim population to the point of murder, it is here. This will take you to the IFilms page with the film. Thanks to Nancy for asking about it, or I'd have never thought of looking for it.

Caption-Madness

So? You're waiting for what? Caption this.

Thank you all.

I want to tell everyone who took the time to mail Anna a card or a gift (and in many cases both) Thank You so very much.

She was shocked when she saw the sack of envelopes last Friday, and the envelopes and boxes are still arriving. She was delighted, and the Spousal Unit and I were overwhelmed.

You are all wonderful, generous people, and I appreciate everything you did to make this a very memorable birthday for Anna. She will begin the Thank You notes, perhaps this weekend. It's a good practice for her, since her handwriting is her downfall. It may take a while, but you will all receive one.

And I will be posting pics as soon as I get my camera back from the Parental Estate and download them.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Golden Corral

Again this year, on Monday, November 15th, Golden Corral will be extending an invitation to all veterans to come to their restaurants for a dinner on them in thanks for their service to this nation and to the world.

I attended this event last year with my father, a veteran of the occupation force in Italy, the Korean conflict, and a 20 year retiree of the Air Force, and my husband, a Vietnam era vet who served in a trip-line unit in Germany during the Cold war. I can tell you from personal experience, it is a wonderful outreach by this restraurant chain and it gave many vets of many conflicts an opportunity to sit together and celebrate their service, remember those who did not come home, and acknowledge each other.

Even if you are not a Vet, I encourage you to go that night and be warmed by the comraderie and patriotism you will see there. And if you are a Vet, take the family and let them see and talk to your fellows over a great meal.

My hat's off to you, Golden Corral, for providing a much appreciated Thank You to our Veterans.

Ding-Dong...

Someone finally pulled the plug on Arafat. About time.

My prayers are with the IDF and the civilian population of Israel right now. I certainly hope that this does not lead to the kind of bloodshed I'm afraid might be in store for them. At least they have had time to brace for the onslaught of terrorists mourners thronging in the streets in armed insurection inconsolable grief for their fallen pig spawn leader.

At least this phase is over.

Semper Fi and Happy Birthday

Congratulations, Marines, for a job well done each and every time. I have a special place in my heart for the Marine Corps, even though I was an Air Force Brat. When I was in high school, it was the Marines who looked at my records, my scores, my background, and my aptitude tests and regularly contacted me by mail and eventually by phone. It was the Marines I truly wanted to join, but my physical condition and poor eyesight prevented me from ever being able to raise my right hand, take that oath, train my ass off, and wear that uniform.

I've always regretted that I was just too big and too poorly conditioned to ever consider military service. I double that regret that I couldn't be a Marine.

Happy Birthday to the Corps, and Semper Fi to all of the men and women who serve under her banner. Hoo-rah!

Marine Mom makes Moore her bitch

When I read this story in the Tennessean, I felt a whole range of emotions...

Sorrow at the loss of another brave member of the Armed Services, anger at the continuing Anti-American antics of the moronic Blubberbut from Flint,and last, but certainly not least, pride that the victoms of the mendacity of the Blubberbut are finally finding their voice and speaking out against him and everything he stands for.

For far too long Blubberbut has put up his twisted screed without a protest from those he has wronged the most, the parents,siblings,mates, and children of those that put their bodies on the front lines and in doing so, payed the ultimate price. That has now ended.

As Mrs. Savage said:

''People like Moore would have you believe that we hold President Bush responsible for my son's death. Michael Moore has not spoken to me — ever. So he cannot profess to know how I feel. He is a coward who thrives on the lives of others by twisting the truth and rewriting it to suit his own agenda...

...''I have a voice, and it is about damn time I stop being silent. My son died giving me the right to speak, and speak loud. I will not allow his name or even his picture be disgraced.''

All the bloggers in the country speaking out against the evil filth that the Blubberbut spews on a daily basis are great, but the voice of one Marine mother has more standing and power for the truth than all those bloggers put together.

THANK YOU MRS. SAVAGE May your son rest in the peace he has well and truly earned, and may your voice be continued to be raised against all those that would disturb that peace and denigrate the service of far braver people than them.

What Monty Python charactor are you?

You are Dennis the Repressed! A political activist
way ahead of your time. Everyone is always out
to get you...but you'll fight the dirty
bastards to the death!


Which Monty Python & the Holy Grail Character are you REALLY?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmmm..... Repressed? Moi? I dun' theenk so Lucy! LOL

Oh, No!

It seems there was an embedded reporter from a national newspaper at the Jawja Blogfest!

I was at the grocery store and found this at the check-out counter. I was shocked! I don't ever buy those rags papers, but I had to have this one just to scan in the cover so you'd believe me. And I had no idea about the orgies.

Oh, the horror! Oh, the humiliation! Oh, the great scoops! I had no idea we were being watched.

Say it isn't so!

Some Men Don't Learn!

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is
standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard
look at herself.

"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I
see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are
barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile.
I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns
to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to
make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then
says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing
wrong with your eyesight."

Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at
10:30 at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.


ANOTHER good one from Catfish!

Joke of the Day

Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

Thanks Catfish!

Thank you everyone

I want to take a moment and extend my sincere thanks to everyone who selflessly responded to the post for cards for my daughter. I was overwhelmed by your kindness, and extremely grateful for your response.

We are saving the cards as they arrive, and will give them to her en masse on Friday. She has no clue that this is happening, and will be very surprised.

The digital camera has new batteries, and there will be a plethora of pictures. Heck, I may post a lot of them.

Again, you really went way above and beyond with this, and I value each and every one of you. I feel truly blessed to know you all. God bless you.

Thank Goodness

It's over, truly and finally over. Conceded and accepted. No riots, no vandalism (yet), no pathetic excuse making... Well, there is a bit of sour grapes and there have been a few calls for insurection from some of the more left fringe pundits, bloggers, and celebs. That was to be expected, as they do it even when they are ahead.

The next several weeks will be telling, both about them and about the direction this country takes as a whole. I genuinely hope that level heads prevail, and that people show some restraint and at least try to find the common ground that we all share, whether we will admit it or not.

Elizabeth and John Edwards can go home and print up new business cards for his law practice. I'm sure there are plenty of Vioxx patients around who will take their imaginiary problems to him, as well as the few remaining Fen-Phen cases still laying around eating cheese-doodles and watching Jerry Springer from their couches. Hell, I hear there's a load of money to be made from a Twinkie Liability suit when someone files it. They'll be fine.

T'Ray-za and John Kerry can take the family SUV to Jackson Hole for some early snowboarding. At least now there won't be any of those damned inconvenient Secret Service men in the way to slide into on the slopes. I'm sure Jeeves won't mind being on hand with his ever present Igloo cooler of Fois Gras, duck confit en salade, Napoleon Brandy, and imported water wafers. The next session will start soon, so he has something to look forward to missing 60% of the time. Life will go on, and will be good. He can always do like Friend Bill and join some overpriced speakers bureau.

Sure, it will be hard for them to give up the photo-ops at Wendys and traveling in the motor coach. But they won't have the Swifties haranguing them either. Think of that as a bright spot, at least until his next bid for Senate. Think people will forget by then? Well, in a normal state, no, but we are talking Taxechussets.

Yahoo!

Well, as I write this, it seems that I have to eat a little bit of crow, but I have to admit that it isn't that bad when you flavor it with the sweet taste of finding out that, at least in a small part, Mr. Kerry has bowed to reality and ISN'T putting up a fruitless legal fight, and is conceding defeat in the election.

Mr. Kerry, THANK YOU. I was wrong. You have shown a modicum of class, and have put America first over your own ambitions and that deserves some respect.

I still believe that you do merit a cell in Leavenworth, but at least now you have earned a mattress and not just a hard pad.

I sincerely hope that the DU types follow Mr. Kerry's lead and strive to move forward from here.

Trick or Treat!

Yes, it's my little Commando. Kinda proud of her choice of costumes, too. She had a blast Trick or Treating with her little buddy Paris, and they made out like bandits in Grandma's neighborhood. She's already counting down to next Halloween.

Kids. Aren't they fun?

Heavy Reading -- And Worth It!

This is very good reading for any American, Republican or Democrat. My sister sent me this in an e-mail.

I do not know who the man was that wrote this but he has captured the
problems very well. He is right in that if we lose this war, we lose our country, and WE CAN LOSE it if we do not become united and work together soon.
The Islamofacists will never defeat us militarily, but we will defeat ourselves by not recognizing the world as it is, and not as we wish it to be.

Please pass this on to as many people as you can. It needs to be read by every American. If we do not wake up quick it is going to be too late.

> THE WORLD SITUATION - A LETTER TO MY SONS
>
> This was written by a retired attorney, to his sons, May 19, 2004.
>
> Dear Tom, Kevin, Kirby and Ted,
>
> As your father, I believe I owe it to you to share some thoughts on the
> present world situation. We have over the years discussed a lot of
> important things, like going to college, jobs and so forth. But this
> really
> takes precedence over any of those discussions. I hope this might give
> you
> a longer term perspective that fewer and fewer of my generation are left
> to
> speak to.
>
> To be sure you understand that this is not politically flavored, I will
> tell you that since Franklin D. Roosevelt, who led us through pre and
> WWII
> (1933 - 1945) up to and including our present President, I have without
> exception, supported our presidents on all matters of international
> conflict. This would include just naming a few in addition to
>
> President Roosevelt - WWII:
>
> President Truman - Korean War 1950;
>
> President Kennedy - Bay of Pigs (1961);
>
> President Kennedy - Vietnam (1961); 1
>
> Eight presidents (5 Republican & 4 Democrat) during the cold war (1945 -
> 1991);
>
> President Clinton's strikes on Bosnia (1995) and on Iraq (1998). 2
>
> So be sure you read this as completely non-political or otherwise you will
> miss the point.
>
> Our country is now facing the most serious threat to its existence, as we
> know it, that we have faced in your lifetime and mine (which includes
> WWII).
> The deadly seriousness is greatly compounded by the fact that there are
> very
> few of us who think we can possibly lose this war and even fewer who
> realize
> what losing really means.
>
> First, let's examine a few basics
>
> 1. When did the threat to us start?
>
> Many will say September 11th, 2001. The answer as far as the United
> States
> is concerned is 1979, 22 years prior to September 2001, with the following
> attacks on us: Iran Embassy Hostages, 1979; Beirut, Lebanon Embassy 1983;
> Beirut, Lebanon Marine Barracks 1983; Lockerbie, Scotland Pan-Am flight to
> New York 1988; First New York World Trade Center attack 1993; Dhahran,
> Saudi
> Arabia Khobar Towers Military complex 1996; Nairobi, Kenya US Embassy
> 1998;
> Dar es Salaam, Tanzania US Embassy 1998; Aden, Yemen USS Cole 2000; New
> York
> World Trade Center 2001; Pentagon 2001. (Note that during the period from
> 1981 to 2001 there were 7,581 terrorist attacks worldwide). 3
>
> 2. Why were we attacked?
>
> Envy of our position, our success, and our freedoms. The attacks happened
> during the administrations of Presidents Carter, Reagan, Bush #1, Clinton
> and Bush #2. We cannot fault either the Republicans or Democrats as there
> were no provocations by any of the presidents or their immediate
> predecessors, Presidents Ford or Carter.
>
> 4. Who were the attackers?
>
> In each case, the attacks on the US were carried out by Muslims.
>
> 5. What is the Muslim population of the World?
>
> 25% 4
>
> 6. Isn't the Muslim Religion peaceful?
>
> Hopefully, but that is really not material. There is no doubt that the
> predominately Christian population of Germany was peaceful, but under the
> dictatorial leadership of Hitler (who was also Christian), that made no
> difference. You either went along with the administration or you were
> eliminated. There were 5 to 6 million Christians killed by the Nazis for
> political reasons (including 7,000 Polish priests).
> ( HYPERLINK
> "http://www.nazis.testimony.co.uk/7-a.htm"http://www.nazis.testimony.co.uk/7
> -a.htm). Thus, almost the same number of Christians were killed by the
> Nazis, as the 6 million holocaust Jews who were killed by them, and we
> seldom heard of anything other than the Jewish atrocities. Although
> Hitler
> kept the world focused on the Jews, he had no hesitancy about killing
> anyone
> who got in his way of exterminating the Jews or of taking over the world -
> German, Christian or any others. Same with the Muslim terrorists. They
> focus the world on the US, but kill all in the way - their own people or
> the
> Spanish, French or anyone else.. 5 The point here is that just like the
> peaceful Germans were of no protection to anyone from the Nazis, no matter
> how many peaceful Muslims there may be, they are no protection for us from
> the terrorist Muslim leaders and what they are fanatically bent on doing -
> by their own pronouncements - killing all of us infidels. I don't blame
> the
> peaceful Muslims. What would you do if the choice was shut up or die?
>
> 6. So who are we at war with?
>
> There is no way we can honestly respond that it is anyone other than the
> Muslim terrorists. Trying to be politically correct and avoid verbalizing
> this conclusion can well be fatal. There is no way to win if you don't
> clearly recognize and articulate who you are fighting.
>
> So with that background, now to the two major questions
>
> 1. Can we lose this war?
> 2. What does losing really mean?
>
> If we are to win, we must clearly answer these two pivotal questions.
>
> We can definitely lose this war, and as anomalous as it may sound, the
> major reason we can lose is that so many of us simply do not fathom the
> answer to the second question - What does losing mean? It would appear
> that
> a great many of us think that losing the war means hanging our heads,
> bringing the troops home and going on about our business, like post
> Vietnam.
> This is as far from the truth as one can get. What losing really means is
>
> We would no longer be the premier country in the world. The attacks will
> not subside, but rather will steadily increase. Remember, they want us
> dead, not just quiet. If they had just wanted us quiet, they would not
> have
> produced an increasing series of attacks against us over the past 18
> years.
> The plan was clearly to terrorist attack us until we were neutered and
> submissive to them.
>
> We would of course have no future support from other nations for fear of
> reprisals and for the reason that they would see we are impotent and
> cannot
> help them.
>
> They will pick off the other non-Muslim nations, one at a time. It will
> be
> increasingly easier for them. They already hold Spain hostage. It
> doesn't
> matter whether it was right or wrong for Spain to withdraw its troops from
> Iraq. Spain did it because the Muslim terrorists bombed their train and
> told them to withdraw the troops. Anything else they want Spain to do,
> will
> be done. Spain is finished.
>
> The next will probably be France. Our one hope on France is that they
> might see the light and realize that if we don't win, they are finished
> too,
> in that they can't resist the Muslim terrorists without us. However, it
> may
> already be too late for France. France is already 20% Muslim and fading
> fast. See the attached article on the French condition by Tom Segel. 6
>
> If we lose the war, our production, income, exports and way of life will
> all vanish as we know it. After losing, who would trade or deal with us
> if
> they were threatened by the Muslims. If we can't stop the Muslims, how
> could anyone else? The Muslims fully know what is riding on this war and
> therefore are completely committed to winning at any cost. We better know
> it too and be likewise committed to winning at any cost.
>
> Why do I go on at such lengths about the results of losing? Simple.
> Until
> we recognize the costs of losing, we cannot unite and really put 100% of
> our
> thoughts and efforts into winning. And it is going to take that 100%
> effort
> to win.
>
> So, how can we lose the war? Again, the answer is simple. We can lose
> the
> war by imploding. That is, defeating ourselves by refusing to recognize
> the
> enemy and their purpose and really digging in and lending full support to
> the war effort. If we are united, there is no way that we can lose. If
> we
> continue to be divided, there is no way that we can win. 7
>
> Let me give you a few examples of how we simply don't comprehend the life
> and death seriousness of this situation.
>
> President Bush selects Norman Mineta as Secretary of Transportation.
> Although all of the terrorist attacks were committed by Muslim men between
> 17 and 40 years of age, Secretary Mineta refuses to allow profiling. Does
> that sound like we are taking this thing seriously? This is war. For the
> duration we are going to have to give up some of the civil rights we have
> become accustomed to. We had better be prepared to lose some of our civil
> rights temporarily or we will most certainly lose all of them permanently.
>
> And don't worry that it is a slippery slope. We gave up plenty of civil
> rights during WWII and immediately restored them after the victory and, in
> fact, added many more since then. Do I blame President Bush or President
> Clinton before him? No, I blame us for blithely assuming we can maintain
> all of our Political Correctness and all of our civil rights during this
> conflict and have a clean, lawful, honorable war. None of those words
> apply
> to war. Get them out of your head.
>
> Some have gone so far in their criticism of the war and/or the
> Administration that it almost seems they would literally like to see us
> lose. I hasten to add that this isn't because they are disloyal. It is
> because they just don't recognize what losing means. Nevertheless, that
> conduct gives the impression to the enemy that we are divided and
> weakening,
> it concerns our friends, and it does great damage to our cause.
>
> Of more recent vintage, the uproar fueled by the politicians and media
> regarding the treatment of some prisoners of war perhaps exemplifies best
> what I am saying. We have recently had an issue involving the treatment
> of
> a few Muslim prisoners of war by a small group of our military police.
> These are the type prisoners who just a few months ago were throwing their
> own people off buildings, cutting off their hands, cutting out their
> tongues
> and otherwise murdering their own people just for disagreeing with Saddam
> Hussein. And just a few years ago these same type prisoners chemically
> killed 400,000 of their own people for the same reason. They are also the
> same type enemy fighters who recently were burning Americans and dragging
> their charred corpses through the streets of Iraq. And still more
> recently
> the same type enemy that was and is providing videos to all news sources
> internationally, of the beheading of an American prisoner they held.
> Compare this with some of our press and politicians who for several days
> have thought and talked about nothing else but the "humiliating" of some
> Muslim prisoners - not burning them, not dragging their charred corpses
> through the streets, not beheading them, but "humiliating" them. Can this
> be for real?
>
> The politicians and pundits have even talked of impeachment of the
> Secretary
> of Defense. If this doesn't show the complete lack of comprehension and
> understanding of the seriousness of the enemy we are fighting, the life
> and
> death struggle we are in and the disastrous results of losing this war,
> nothing can. To bring our country to a virtual political standstill over
> this prisoner issue makes us look like Nero playing his fiddle as Rome
> burned - totally oblivious to what is going on in the real world. Neither
> we, nor any other country, can survive this internal strife.
>
> Again I say, this does not mean that some of our politicians or media
> people are disloyal. It simply means that they absolutely oblivious to
> the
> magnitude of the situation we are in and into which the Muslim terrorists
> have been pushing us for many years. Remember, the Muslim terrorists
> stated
> goal is to kill all infidels. That translates into all non-Muslims - not
> just in the United States, but throughout the world. We are the last
> bastion of defense.
>
> We have been criticized for many years as being 'arrogant'. That charge
> is
> valid in at least one respect. We are arrogant in that we believe that we
> are so good, powerful and smart, that we can win the hearts and minds of
> all
> those who attack us, and that with both hands tied behind our back, we can
> defeat anything bad in the world. We can't. If we don't recognize this,
> our nation as we know it will not survive, and no other free country in
> the
> World will survive if we are defeated.
>
> And finally, name any Muslim countries throughout the world that allow
> freedom of speech, freedom of thought, freedom of religion, freedom of the
> press, equal rights for anyone - let alone everyone, equal status or any
> status for women, or that have been productive in one single way that
> contributes to the good of the World. 8
>
> This has been a long way of saying that we must be united on this war or
> we
> will be equated in the history books to the self-inflicted fall of the
> Roman
> Empire. If, that is, the Muslim leaders will allow history books to be
> written or read.
>
> If we don't win this war right now, keep a close eye on how the Muslims
> take over France in the next 5 years or less. They will continue to
> increase the Muslim population of France and continue to encroach little
> by
> little on the established French traditions. The French will be fighting
> among themselves over what should or should not be done, which will
> continue
> to weaken them and keep them from any united resolve. Doesn't that sound
> eerily familiar?
>
> Democracies don't have their freedoms taken away from them by some
> external
> military force. Instead, they give their freedoms away, politically
> correct
> piece by politically correct piece. And they are giving those freedoms
> away
> to those who have shown, worldwide, that they abhor freedom and will not
> apply it to you or even to themselves, once they are in power. They have
> universally shown that when they have taken over, they then start brutally
> killing each other over who will be the few who control the masses. Will
> we
> ever stop hearing from the politically correct, about the "peaceful
> Muslims"?
>
> I close on a hopeful note, by repeating what I said above. If we are
> united, there is no way that we can lose. I believe that after the
> election, the factions in our country will begin to focus on the critical
> situation we are in and will unite to save our country. It is your future
> we are talking about. Do whatever you can to preserve it
>
> hb
>
> ___________________________________
> "IN GOD WE TRUST"

Breaking News

Commissar Rescued In Daring
Early Morning Raid By Pajamahadeen

It was the stuff of big budget action movies today when the Commissar was rescued from himself and from a previously unknow group of Blog Terrorists today in an Entebbe type raid by the Pajamahadeen.

Lead by Kim du Toit, the intrepid group of nightwear-clad bloggers rappelled from a Vietnam War era surplus Huey onto the roof of the Commissar's dacha in an early morning raid timed to catch his guards unaware. It is believed that he was actually sleeping after a night of Pythonesque torture by members of a little know faction of satire-challenged bloggers known as the Axis of the Humorless.

"It was rough," commented longtime rifleman du Toit. "We thought we'd lost him for a bit when he wouldn't respond, but we realized he's just an extremely deep sleeper."

"When we figured out he was just sleeping, the Mrs. and her sidekick Serenity over there just hauled him out and harnessed him up for evac."

The Pajamahadeen, trained and armed by du Toit and John of Aarrgghhh, has shown itself to be a major fighting force, and has begun to build a reputation as both determined and accurate in pursuit of their targets. Recent targets have included Dan Rather, the UKGuardian, Sandy Berger, Michael Moore, and current Democrat presidental ticket. This was their first attempt at a blog-rescue.

"Yes, we understood the risks involved in this and determined that it was time to put it on the line for a fellow co-conspirator," stated Airborne advisor and jump-leader Blackfive. "If our undercover man, George Turner, hadn't intercepted that communique from the insidious Puppy Blender™ to his minions in the DU, we may never have had this window of opportunity. The Commissar would still be under liberal control, or worse."

"It's bad enough constantly fending off DOS attacks, trolls and comment spammers from the Loony Left," continued Lord and Tyrant Spats, "but when they take advantage of a blogger who takes himself hostage, and then torture him in an attempt to drain him of any sense of humor, well, that's where I draw the damned line."

Casualties were light among the Axis of Humorless terrorists who insisted on being called "freedom fighters" when the military police arrived. "We see this a lot with these f*cking liberal sh*ts," stated combatarms instructor and team sniper Slaglerock, as he and his crack tactical team placed them in custody. "No f*cking brains or the sense God gave a goat. Probably not one combined brain between the whole sorry lot of them."

Other members of the Pajamahadeen involved in the raid included TacJammer of Intel Support, Baldilocks of Air Support, Blackjack, Pharmaceutical Expert GOC in Winston-Salem, Bill Faith of Engineering, Natasha of the Accomplished Cussing Division, Velociman from the Sustained Disdain Group, DokRussia on Medical Detail, and former Marine StraightWhiteGuy who spent most of the raid interrogating the female terrorists and asking them to wear bunny ears and fluffy tails.

The Commissar was taken to an undisclosed location for debriefing after the raid, and is expected to return to his dacha within several hours. Also removed from the site were several cases of vodka and one shotglass. No explaination for the seizure was given by the Pajamahadeen.

Osama

Well, apparently I was wrong..Osama ISN'T a grease spot on a cave wall in Tora Bora. He just released a vidio tape that shows that he is still among the living, mores the pity.

It was apparent that he was attempting to sway the American electorate to
vote for John Kerry. I hope that this will again show that he doesn't really understand the American psyche any better than he did pre-9/11.

It should be obvious whom Osama wants to be the next President, and it should behoove all of us wonder exactly why, and thus know that Kerry is not the man to be our next CiC.

There is an excellent piece in the NY Post deliniating some of the reasons that Osama wants Kerry, and why WE shouldn't!

The piece ends with:

Again, for the record: If Osama could have carried out an act of terror, he would have carried out an act of terror.

He can't — and that speaks to the fundamental success of the War on Terror.

THATS what this election is all about people. We are engaged in a world war the likes that has never been seen before... do we want someone who doesn't even ackowledge that we are in such a war ("nuisence", anyone?)
or the person who has reduced the main figurehead of the opposition to ranting on videotape, because he is incapble of committing any physical acts of terror due to the loss of a great part of his network, support system, and financial backing?

As for Me, Lets Roll; FOUR MORE YEARS!

Just a little favor?

The progeny of this marriage, little Anna Emily, turns 10 years old on November 5th. It's a biggie for her, as she believes and will argue to a fine point that this means she is no longer a kid, but a "pre-teen" and darned near an adult. (I've got news for her, but that's another story!)

So I'd like to make a modest request of our readers. It won't cost you much more than a little time and a stamp. We would like you to pick up an inexpensive birthday card or write her a little birthday note, address it to her, and mail it. It can be anything, just something with an out of state address and a "Happy Birthday" on it. She's not going to be getting a lot this year, so we are hoping a plethora of mail will off-set any disappointment. Kids get pretty excited about birthdays, and I hate to see her disappointed.

If you'd like to make her birthday special, please let us know in the comments here that you are willing to mail her a birthday card. We'll email you back with our snailmail address.

Thank you in advance for your kindness. You have all been very kind and supportive to us during these last few difficult months, and I hate to ask for this, but it's something small that would mean a lot to a little girl. None of this has been her fault.

Humor of the Day

Our Friend Catfish sent us these little tidbits. Just had to share them!

Priestly Humor

A burgular broke into a house one night. He shone his
flashlight around, looking for valuables. As he picked up a
CD player, a strange voice echoed in the darkness saying,
"Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, turned his flashlight off
and froze. He heard nothing more. After a while, he shook
his head and promised himself a vacation after the next big
score, then clicked the light back on and began searching
for more valuables.

But as he started to disconnect the
wires of the stereo, he again heard the words, "Jesus is
watching you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the
room, the beam of the flashlight came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" the burgular hissed.
"Yep, I'm just trying to warn you."
"Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burgular laughed. "What king of stupid person
would name a parrot "Moses'?"

The bird answered, "The same kind of stupid person that
would name a rottweiler "Jesus.'"

*************************************************
GOOD
A Michigan policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem -- a 12-year-old
boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR
TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road
with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used
to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Troy, MI. A $40 speeding ticket was
included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of
$40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As Michigan State
Trooper Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket
book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball.
"He replied, "Michigan State Troopers don't have balls." There was a
moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car

***************************************************

Subject: Pharmacy Lesson

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade
name and a generic name. For example, the trade name
of Tylenol also has the generic name of acetaminophen.
Aleve is actually naproxen. Amoxil is also amoxicillin and
Advil is also ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts,
it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name
of mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixadud,
dixafix and, of course, ibepokin.

*************************************************

An American is having breakfast in Paris one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

French man: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

French: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the States."

The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of course."

Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the States."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do," he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the French

**********************************************************

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished,
but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.

That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should
meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely,
this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle, My
car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and
immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

**************************************************************

Joke of the day

An old Italian Mafia Don was dying and he called his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson, I wannna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But Grandpa, I really don't like guns---how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lisina to me boy! Someday you goina be runna the business, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home, and maybe a couple of
bambino.

Someday, you goina coma home and maybe finda your wife in bed with another man.

What do you do then? Point to your watch and say TIMES UP?!"

This is priceless.

While cruising Luicanne.com tonight, I found a link to this hysterical new ad by film director David Zucker.

You remember David Zucker? Airplane, Naked Gun, Scary Movie 3? Pee-your-pants funny? Well, he's made possibly the funniest commercial of the political season, and you can see it at the link above.

Great job, Mr. Zucker. Loved it.

Couldn't help myself

Wow, TTLB has some really great submissions linked. The list just keeps on growing. Run on over and check out a few.

Petition

In the extended entry is a copy of a letter that the Federalist Patriot group has sent in regards to Sen. Kerry's past record. I was one of more than 180,000 Americans to sign this petition. I sincerely hope that the powers that be take heed and follow through.

The Constitution provides for the redress of grievences by the general population against their government, or members of that government. It's time that this issue was laid to rest without power and money winning out against the fair revue of the questionable actions of one who exercises power on behalf of the citizens of the United States.

Should you wish to add your voice go here and make YOUR voice heard

Honorable John D. Ashcroft
U.S. Department of Justice
950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20530-0001

Honorable Richard B. Cheney
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Honorable William H. Frist, M.D.
United States Senate
461 Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Honorable J. Dennis Hastert
United States House of Representatives
235 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515

18 October 2004

Hon. John D. Ashcroft, Attorney General of these United States:
Hon. Richard B. Cheney, President of the United States Senate:
Hon. William H. Frist, M.D., Majority Leader of the United States Senate:
Hon. J. Dennis Hastert, Speaker, United States House of Representatives:

On behalf of more than 180,000 Americans who have attached their names, including my own, hereto ("Petitioners"), I respectfully submit this request for investigation and indictment of Senator John Forbes Kerry (D. Mass.) for acts of treason in connection with the proffering of counsel and assistance to enemy agents in time of warfare ("Petition for Investigation and Indictment").

Specifically, Petitioners request the United States Department of Justice open or renew an investigation of Mr. Kerry's actions of "giving aid and comfort" to Communist North Vietnam, particularly in regard to his meetings with enemy agents in Paris on multiple occasions between 1970 and 1972 while still an officer in the United States Navy. Such counsel and assistance to enemy agents in time of warfare is in direct violation of UCMJ (Article 104 part 904), U.S. Code (18 USC Sec. 2381 and 18 USC Sec. 953) and other applicable laws and acts of Congress.

Some of Sen. Kerry's anti-American activities and protests in association with Vietnam Veterans Against the War and other subversive groups may have been subject to pardon by President James E. Carter's Executive Order 4483 of 21 January 1977, which provided general amnesty for draft evaders and other war protesters. However, it is the considered opinion of legal scholars that acts of treason in connection with providing aid and comfort to the enemy in time of warfare are not covered by EO 4483.

Though Sen. Kerry claims to have received an Honorable Discharge at the conclusion of his military service, he refuses to sign a Standard Form 180 authorizing the release of his complete military records in an effort, we believe, to conceal his separation from the military by a Dishonorable Discharge or, at best, an other than honorable discharge. This assertion is supported by the fact that Sen. Kerry's discharge was subject to review after EO 4483 by a board of officers acting under Title 10, U.S. Code Section 1162 and 1163 in reference to involuntary separation from the service. Those records are critical to the disposition of this Petition for Investigation and Indictment.

Additionally, in connection with a Dishonorable Discharge, the Department of Defense revokes all pay benefits, allowances, medals and honors. Here Petitioners note that upon becoming a U.S. senator in 1985, Mr. Kerry requested that all his medals be reissued, and, more recently, that he received a revised DD-214 listing an Honorable Discharge.

Why are we requesting that John Kerry be investigated and indicted now?

In October 2003, Mr. Kerry chose to make his Vietnam War record the centerpiece of his campaign for the presidency; this has been especially true since his Democrat Presidential primary victory in March 2004. Outraged by this and in response, the more than 180,000 signatories of the above-referenced Petition for Investigation and Indictment chose to make Mr. Kerry's war record the centerpiece of their campaign to disqualify him from public office.

In doing so, Petitioners cite the Constitution's Fourteenth Amendment, Section 3. The pertinent language states: "No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President ... having previously taken an oath ... to support the Constitution of the United States, [who has] engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof."

Of note, there is no statute of limitations on treason.

It is not Petitioners' intent that this Petition for Investigation and Indictment be acted on prior to the 2 November election as this would be disruptive to the election process. Such action by the Justice Department would only be viewed as "political" in nature. It is, however, Petitioners' intent to ensure that Sen. Kerry's actions are subject to investigative review in order to conclusively determine whether he is legally qualified to hold any future office in accordance with the Constitution's Fourteenth Amendment.

Regardless of the outcome of Sen. Kerry's campaign for president, be it known that Petitioners remain committed to holding Sen. Kerry accountable for his actions.

Respectfully submitted,

Mark Alexander
Executive Editor and Publisher,
The Federalist Patriot

Equal Time

Just to give the enemy equal time.....

Pilots for Bush

Yes, Zoomies stick together.

Now, go check out all the great stuff at Truth Laid Bear. Many excellent examples of Heroes for Bush.

Damn, this is fun. I may have to make a few more of these.

Blogtoberfest Roundup

Well, I've slept (a lot) and had a chance to recharge and try to remember some of the weekend. Got my Cigar lit, my diet Pepsi on the desk, and my brain cranked up a little. We'll see what I can recall...

After the Goat Rodeo of Friday, which was entirely my fault I must add, things settled into a very agreeable groove. Everyone had been sitting and talking and inbibing for a while, and much music had been played by Acidman, Jim, Denny, and all. I missed all of that, but we still ended up in my room talking for hours. And Geoffrey and Gordon brought me a jug of THE GOOD STUFF! Real New England Maple Syrup! And not that pale stuff either. The good dark stuff with all the deep, rich, earthy flavor. You can keep that Grade A Pale stuff. Give me the Medium Amber or even darker!

Acidman, Dax, Catfish, Geoffrey and Gordon and I sat there and talked until almost 5am. Shot the shit, drank peach wine and then shots of bourbon on ice, smoked a few cigarettes and got to know each other. Compared firearms, even. Eventually it got to the point of pitching them all out to get some sleep. This old woman gets grumpy if I don't get at least an hour or two of sleep each night.

Saturday, Catfish volunteered to keep me company, so he and I went walking through Helen, window shopping and enjoying the really beautiful day. It was warm and sunny and just gorgeous. It was so nice of him to walk through town with me like that. It's no fun to shop alone with no one to talk with when you see funny things or crazy people walking around. And he taught me to flick my cigarette butts out into the street. "You can't be biker trash if you can't flick a cigarette butt." Apparenly I'm a natural! We got a good laugh out of that.

We found a little bakery with fresh apple strudel and hot cocoa. We shopped in a great leather shop with really beautiful holsters, all hand tooled and sturdily made. Then we went back to the Kristy to meet Laughing Wolf, who didn't stay long enough, and find the rest of the gang involved in a game of Half Rubber. It seems the balls I found at the dollar store were just exactly what they needed! Now we know that if you want to play Half Rubber, you need Hoosier Balls.

Georgia regaled us with her superior Bullwhip Cracking Skills using the whip that Velociman brought. Don't ask. I didn't. I really enjoyed Rick and Georgia. I wish I had more of an opportunity to get to know them. She and Kim/V-man went above and beyond, and I don't know how I will ever be able to repay their kindness.

Several of us spend the late afternoon watching Dax sleep on the balcony walkway while we drank Boone Farm wine and talked some more. Key and Kelly came, and you'd be hard pressed to find two prettier, nicer women. Then it was off to dinner.

Paul's Steakhouse, apparently one of the best places in town, had a 90 minute wait. I agree with Catfish, there's no food worth a 90 minute wait. So we had Wendy's. And it was good. No crowd, no fuss, just a good sandwich and a cold drink and time to gather our wits for the evening. We went from there to the package store, picked up a couple of things, then walked the mile or so back to the hotel.

We had the Great Gift Distribution, thanks to Sam of the Briar Patch, in Acidman's room, whereupon he asked Georgia to paint his fingernails. As soon as they were dry, he got out his guitar and began to play. He and I dueted on "Please come to Boston" and he and Eric did a great Jimmy Buffet song. Eric then did a hysterical Robert Service poem with Jim on guitar for the mood music background.

I think it was at this point that someone broke out the Home Made Wine. I don't know what I was expecting, but I was very pleasantly surprised. It was really pretty smooth, didn't have a bad flavor at all, and kicked like a pissed-off downtown cross-dressing hooker.

I remember taking maybe five pulls from that jar... I remember taking one healthy pull from the mason jar of Apple Brandy that Dax brought. Just Damn. I remember being unable to wipe the smile from my face. I remember everything getting warm and hazy and even old Acidman was starting to look pretty damned tasty so I looked at Catfish, found my ability to put a few words together and announced, "Take me to my room. I'm Dizzy."

At 8am, I was up, moaning into my styrofoam cup of coffee, wandering into the shower, getting dressed, and trying to get repacked. I felt like I was on a small boat in choppy waters. My legs absolutely refused to cooperate with me in any way whatsoever. But by 8:30 or so, when Jim and Ken knocked on my door, I was ready to go. Didn't want to leave. Wanted to stay. *sigh*

We had a good trip back into Atlanta and found a bite of lunch at the airport. Jim and Ken are great guys and I thank them both for taking me back into Atlanta. The conversation was great. I'd be hard pressed to find two nicer guys in New Jersey.

I know I met more people. I remember other faces, but damned if I can remember who they were. If I've forgotten you, blame it on the 'shine.

Update: Oh, Damn! I forgot Zonker! He was so nice, and I didn't get to meet him until Saturday evening late, after I had been sipping on high class wines in colors like Blue and Neon Green. And a huge Guinness stout. And the apple wine. And, I believe my first pull from the mason jar... But I remember he was a Doll. What a cutie! Next time, Zonker, I'll be more fun. I'll try to be more sober.

**Disclaimer: Absolutely no bloggers were killed or injured during the making of this post. All resemblance to actual bloggers was highly intentional and intended for educational purposes only.**

Blogtoberfest Goat Rodeo

Let me begin by saying that the Goat Rodeo of Friday did not ruin my Blogtoberfest experience one bit! Those people worked their asses off to save my sorry ass from the airport in Atlanta and get me there after a miserable 6 hours of not knowing what I was going to do to get there.

See, when I got to Charlotte 8 minutes before my boarding time of 10am, I misread my boarding pass and ended up at the wrong gate. Then I had to lug my kazillion pound carry-on bag all the way from E concourse to B concourse. From the FAR end of E concourse to the FAR end of B concourse. On knees with no cartlidge in them. And lugging my own extra baggage of over a hundred pounds of hard earned pudgy. See where this is going? Yes, I got there, no plane.

So the USAir guy at the podium at that gate set me up in a first-class seat on a puddle-jumper that left at 12:30. Of course, being an Air-Travel Virgin, I had no clue how to let anyone know I was going to be delayed. Customer Services said they could do nothing, someone at the podium at my new gate would have to call Atlanta for me. Uh, yeah. Right. There was such pandimonium at that gate I was lucky to get my boarding pass. She tried to tell me the flight was oversold and I had no seat. "No, it's already in there, the other guy took my old boarding pass and told me to tell you I was in A1, whatever that means." so she looked again, actually asked my my name, verified my seat and printed my new boarding pass. Phone call? Fat chance. She was dealing with a bunch of bratty intoxicated college kids in Abercrombie & Fitch duds who kept wanting to help her behind the podium, a bunch of old folks who were being bumped, and...well, you get that picture too.

So I get on my new flight, land in Atlanta at sometime between 2:30 and 3:00, and start looking for my bags. I'd been told to go to the North Terminal to meet Acidman and Catfish, so I follow the signs and end up in a tunnel underneath the airport that was 90 degrees, humid as a sauna, and 2 1/2 miles long. Did I tell you before that I'm chubby and have crappy knees? Well, at the time I had no idea how big this place was or how long the tunnel was, so I decided to forego the train and walk. And walk. And walk. Past bad sculpture. Past photos of African savannahs (I think that was why it was so hot. They wanted you to have the WHOLE continental experience). In and around, and past and through, and I thought I'd never find the damned North Terminal. But there, like a beacon in the night, was the sign pointing me to an elevator to the Promised Land of Luggage Retrieval and my ride to Helen.

Well, not really.

My ride was not there. I retrieved my bag and thought, "I'll just stay right here at the carousel and wait, because if they're in the bar having drinks, I'll never find them, they can just find me here."

An hour later, I began to make inquiries. The only way to get anyone paged in the Atlanta airport is to hoof it to the South terminal and ask Delta to do it. But, the volunteers at the Information Desk said, Don't tell them you didn't fly Delta or they won't do it. What? There's no main PA for the airport unless you fly Delta?

This began the hour long crying jag. Yes, Mama the Strong, Montezz the Invincible, had a case of the vapors. I admit it. I am secure enough in my womanhood to admit it. I had lost all sense of decorum and sat on that Group W bench with the hooker and the two Indian women and the the weird patchouli-stinking yuppy, and just lost it. I was thinking, do I just go back home? Do I try to make contact with the people at Helen and beg for help? Do I go hijack the Hertz Rental Lot-Shuttle and make it take me? So I called Delfts.

Well, he called Helen, then they had a confab. Then they started making calls. I can stay in Atlanta overnight with Kelly or Key and ride up with them. Or I can stay in a hotel and someone bring me in Saturday. Or we can rent a car and drive. Then we find out that there's a shuttle from the airport to Gainsville, about 30 minutes from Helen. So it's decided. I'm to dash out and catch the AAA shuttle to Gainsville. I ran out to Ground Tranportation, asked where to go, was misdirected, and missed my shuttle. That was at 6:30.

Then they told me there was another one at 7:00. Again, I make the mad dash to the right place and there's no shuttle. It broke down.

Did I mention that I hadn't eaten anything since noon on Thursday? Thinking that might have a little bit to do with my rapidly deteriorating mental state, I decide to eat. Luckly I found one of those $3 airport carts for the Carry-on from Hell so I don't have to drag it anymore. I went back into the terminal. I found a Wendy's, broke my $10 bill (all my money in the world, I might add), and bought a Cheesburger Kid meal.

Then, after checking back in with Delfts, the Helen Gang called me again at the payphone and at 8:00 told me the shuttle was leaving at 9:00. So I ran out again to the slot they told me, and there was a shuttle with the hood up. I thought to myself that another one had broken down and I was out of luck again. But as it was, he was just checking the oil. And to make sure I didn't miss this one, at 8:10 I boarded the shuttle, strapped my ass in, and waited IN THE VAN until it left at 9:00 to make sure I was on it.

At 10:30 we finally reached Gainsville, and he pulled into a Best Western motel. What? Why is he dropping me at a Motel? I figured I would be dropped at maybe a coffee shop or some place like that, but I'm at a motel. So I walk in, drop the Carry-On from Hell, and approach the desk.

They knew exactly who I was and directed me to a telephone where I made what was probably my 20th collect call of the day. Georgia and Catfish were on their way.

I hit Helen at 11:58. I made it to Blogtoberfest on the 15th. And it all went uphill from there.

No harm, no foul. Goat Rodeos just happen sometimes. All made well by beautiful people going above and beyond to rescue me from a night at the airport and get me into the welcoming arms of people I consider now to be not just blog-buddies but genuine friends. I love you all.

Mama's on her way

I dropped Mamamontezz off at the airport at 6:10 this morning to get her started on her little adventure to attend the Jawja Blogfest in Helen, Georgia.
I think it will be an interesting experience for everyone involved.

I'd like to publicly thank Acidman and Catfish once again for affording her this opportunity, guys, you just don't know how happy you've made one chubby Hoosier housewife; she REALLY needed this break from the stress that's been the rule around here as of late. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

Update: Mama just called me from Atlanta; her flight had been delayed in arrival in NC and she had missed her first connecting flight and had to take the next one, so she was late in arriving at Atlanta, and when Acidman and Catfish asked after her at the US Air counter, they said they didn't have her listed, so they went on to Helen. What kind of airline doesn't know about the passengers that are flying with them?
Her name was on the ticket, they were, or should have been aware of the delay, and the flight she was switched to.

All this drama could have been avoided if the damned airline had done it's job properly in the first place. US Air has lost a customer for it's poor service.

Georgia and Kim are doing they're best to secure her alternate transportation.

Someday this will be a great adventure that will be laughed at over a few beers, but not tonight.

WooHoo!

I'm packed.

I'm stoked.

I have my camera, my copy of Phantom Warrior for Recondo32 to sign, my copy of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil for Catfish to sign, and I Have The Balls.

I'm ready to get this show on the road, and my plane doesn't leave until tomorrow morning at 7am. Which bites. Big'uns. Twice.

Blogtoberfest promises to be more fun than being in the middle of the "riot" at Purdue the night before the OSU game lo, those many years ago, and that's saying a lot.

I had originally planned on bringing the antique laptop and blogging about it from my room, but I decided that was just unacceptable. Hell, I might miss something if I was in my room blogging! Can't have that.

And anyway that might keep people up, what with the lights and keyboard tapping and all. Logistics being what they are, and with the chance of people just showing up and being too, er, loose (?) to drive back home, I might have lots of roomies before this is all said and done. As long as they don't mind sharing the room with a naked, redhaired, female version of the Michelin Man who snores like a pneumatic hammer, they're welcome to pull up some floor space.

If that site-picture disturbs you in anyway, go sleep with Acidman.

A touch of good news.

We just got excellent news today from the Indianapolis Public Schools.

Anna, the prettiest girl in the house, was approved for free textbooks this year. Seems they reviewed our finances and decided we were qualified. And believe me, that's a good thing. Books are almost a hundred dollars for her this year, and it was due by the end of the month.

I never thought I'd live to see the day I'd be happy to receive assistance, but I am.

Blackfive-O-Lanche

One of my favorite reads is and has been Blackfive. He's incisive, he supports those who put their lives on the line for us in crappy conditions and hostile situations, and he's a prolific poster.

You're not going to find fluff on his blog. You get stories you won't get anywhere else that need to be told. If you're not reading his blog, you'd best plead ignorance, because that's the only reasonable excuse I can come up with right now.

Currently, he has linked me in a post which has much more important content than my little song. Go there. Read it. You need to be aware of this petition. Also, be sure to follow his link to Dean Esmay's interview with Swift Boat Vet Van Odell. Excellent interview.

And thank you, Matt, for your continued support of this little old lady's blog. I kinda like the way you write, too. I wish I could be as direct and strong in my posts as you are.

BlogtoberFest

I am counting down the days to my trip to Helen, GA for this year's BlogtoberFest, and the excitement it mounting.

Eric at StraightWhiteGuy may be convinced to recite the Cremation of Sam McGhee live at the gathering, and after hearing him do it on his site, I'm really looking forward to it. For all of you who will not be in attendance, I really recommend you go listen to it at his site. You won't be disappointed.

Acidman has promised to bring many impliments of musical delight, not to mention the one inside his head. Seems he can make up songs on demand (among other things we won't mention here), and that always makes for a fun time.

Jim from Parkway Rest Stop is also bringing music and mirth with him from the wilds of Joizey. I wonder if the clean mountain air will cause irreparible damage to his body? We may need a paramedic on hand to make sure he doesn't suffer from some sort of withdrawal.

Kim/Velociman... Uh, I've been told all sorts of things about that one. Of course the fact that he's been just hysterical in email only makes me more excited to meet him. I bet he's even more irreverant in person than he is on his blog, and that's saying something.

And I get to meet a Blog-Son for the first time, too! Catfish is planning on being there with Acidman to snag me at the Atlanta airport. What a great guy. He's a good man.

Sure, this is just a partial list, but trust me, I'm just as hyped about meeting the rest of the folks who will be there. They're all listed over on the right, just under my picture (the one that seems to drive liberals mad and make them mean, don't ask why, I haven't figured that out). Go read and support them.

Blogtober fest! And it's just 10 days away! WooHoo for me!

Show Trial #10

I have escaped the gulag in the past, but I may not be so lucky this time. It seems the Commissar has indicted me again for another state Show Trial, and this time, I may not get away with it.

At least I will have good company in the cage Defense Holding Area, so we will all sit together, consume tins of smoked sprats, and take hits from each other's hidden flasks of Stoli. I hope someone thinks to bring some ice...

Well, maybe not ice. They don't heat the courtrooms, and it's starting to get cold at the Kremlin already. I understand that is to acclimate us for the open-slat cattle cars through Siberia.

Send Mama to Blogtoberfest 2005

You know, I got to thinking (always a dangerous thing) and a thought came to me.

Remember how successful Aaron's BAG Day drive was? Through the generosity of his legion of readers, he was able to purchase a beautiful firearm on Buy A Gun day last April.

Well, I know I don't have near the readers that Aaron has, by a long shot, but I'm going to try the same thing here. I know this will be an exercise in humility, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Want Mama to join the Wild Bunch in Georgia next year? Just click that paypal button and tell me just how much you'd like me to go. Think of it as a way to ensure her mental health and well being!

The 2004 Blogtoberfest was held in Beautiful Helen, Georgia on the banks of the Chattahoochee river. Next year? Well, we're still working on that, but my vote is for someplace with sand and palm trees. There are plenty of places in Georgia that fit that bill, and I'm sure between the members of the Wild Bunch we'll be able to find a great one.

As I figure it, the flight down will cost about $150-$200 on one of the discounters, and the room will depend on where we end up hanging our hats. Off-season rates will apply if we do the beach thing, so they could be as low as $75 a night for the room.

If you can't drop a little coin, then copy the button onto your gutter and link to this post. Maybe some of your readers will take pity on this old reprobate. It could happen.

Send Mama to Blogtoberfest 2005. Click on that Paypal button.

Presidential Debate Drinking Game!

It's time to announce the rules for the "Presidential Debate Drinking Game!"

I have expanded the potential shot-inducers, so make sure you have access to 911 on your speed dial.

To play the game, you need a few things: a shot glass, a television, access to the Loyal Citizens chatroom (accessible via the Rottie), and a designated sober person for either making sure you don't miss a reference during the game or to haul your drunken self to the hospital.

Originally, when doing the John Kerry Acceptance Speech Drinking Game, I made it so that it would be like most drinking games, with the object being to do shots on certain cues. However, after the original Kerry Game results came in, all indications are that full shots were definitely not be a good idea. Maybe 2oz beer shots? Hits from a spritzer? Smirnoff Twister shots? Hell, even Pepsi shots. Just have a good time, and remember the buddy system.

Cues for taking your beershot:

1. Every time either says "Viet Nam."

2. Every time either of them says "Purple Heart."

3. Every time Kerry says "Fair Share."

4. Every time Kerry says "During my career."

5. Anytime Kerry attempts a joke or takes a stab at humor, for which humor will probably file charges for attempted murder.

6. Every time either of them makes a reference to "Corporate Welfare" or "tax cuts for the rich."

7. Every time either of them says "I know what it's like..."

8. Every time Kerry makes a reference to a Kennedy, dead or alive.

9. Every time Bush says New-cue-ler.

10. Every time Bush references Texas.

11. Every time Bush says "It won't be easy."

12. Every time Kerry cuts off Bush's response.

13. Every time Bush just smiles and shakes his head at something Kerry has said.

14. Every time Bush references Reagan.

15. Every time either of them says "Supports our troops."

See what I mean about not doing actual shots? Even more opportunities for achieving alcohol induced immortality, so be careful. We need all your votes in November. And unlike the Dims, we don't vote from the grave.

Truth or Dare, anyone?

You see one of these every once in a while, where a blogger desperate for something to post reaches into the tired old meme bag that came attached to the "Welcome to (insert blog host here), have a good time blogging" email we all got when we started blogging.

Down, down, we reach into the bag and stir about at the bottom hoping to touch something we haven't pulled before, or haven't seen posted on another blog in a while... Down, stir, shake, and out comes:

Imagine you're single, unattached, unencumbered by social constraints. Imagine all of the blogosphere were equally unencumbered, recipients of some great cosmic event which rendered all relationships null and void. A Tower of Babel for Marital/Committed Relations.

We all came to build a tower together, paired up two by two like the livestock in a different book, and for our efforts we were all released in our sleep and allowed to pair up again with any of the persons there, to wander off and pick-up where we sort of left-off but not with the fellow/lady who's name escapes you now but you knew there was one there before, you have video.

Who do you think you'd pair or team up with, and why? And no, you can't wimp out and pick your current spouse/SO. Only cowards do that. Be adventurous.

Me? Who would I pair up with? Who's hand would I take in mine before leading him off and living my own "Midnight at the Oaisis"? Well, it depends on my mood, I guess. Being a woman and all, you know how fickle, indecisive, vapor-ridden, and mercenary we are. I'd have several, tattooed with the days of the week just to keep from being confused.

No, really, that's silly, but I can see that there are a few who make the cut Post-Cosmic Event.

You're not going to leave until I tell you, are you?

Ha. You first. And no, just because there's a website somewhere out there with the Swedish Bikini Team does not make them bloggers, so they're ineligible.

Steal this button! Steal this Bumpersticker!

No, I sure didn't have anything to do with the Great CBS-Blogophere Scrimage of 2004, but I sure did have a good time commemorating it.

Steal this button. Display it proudly in YOUR gutters, because you've earned it!

And if you have a good printer and would like a bumpersticker commemorating it too, feel free! Or even better Cruise on over to the shop and buy one. There are also cool shirts, a hat, and a lovely unmentionable that will certainly mention your involvement as a member of the Blogosphere Truth Squad.

Thanks to John of Aarrgghhh! for the inspiration. Go read him. Gaze in wonder at his armory. I want to vacation at his house next summer so I can play with his toys.

toesies.

I decided to do something today that I have never done in my entire 47 years: I got a pedicure. Sat in the vibrating chair, feet in the steaming hot whirlpool bath, head leaned back enjoying the sensations...

Oh. My. Goodness. I feel like a new woman. I can see how a woman can get addicted to this sort of thing. It was darned near a religious experience. The idea that I can walk into a place and an attractive young man will bathe, trim, pamper, lotion, and massage my feet while I sit like a queen is amazing.

He just put a white polish on this time. Next time, I'll get a pretty color. Pink, perhaps. Maybe red. I'll have to give it some thought.

It just seems such an extravagance, such a waste of money. But I decided that I have gone without buying myself any new clothes for over 2 years, I never go out "with the girls" and spend money in bars, I do all the errand running, hold down a stressful job... One little pamper?

I could justify it. I'm glad I did. They don't even look like my own feet, all pink and smooth and almost pretty.

I almost feel pretty and not just like an old drudge, a filly instead of an old plow horse.

Show Trial? Cool.

Let us all hope that by "Show Trial" the Commissar means one with half-nekkid dancing men, leaping into the swimming pool which occupies the jury box, synconized swimming with wild abandon in a crazy parody of an Esther Williams movie.

I could really like that show trial.

Jawja Blogfest

Well, I'm going to be doing something I never imagined I'd ever do: I'm going to the Jawja Blogfest.

I can hardly wait, and I've got almost 2 months for exactly that. The darned thing doesn't even happen until October 15 and 16. I have to wait that long to meet what I've been told are some of the nicest people in Georgia.

Hardly seems fair, does it, mean old me in the midst of Southern Hospitality? Acidman, Velociman, StraightWhiteGuy, Dax Montana, and a host of others are supposed to be there. I don't think I'll mind a bit being the Token Hoosier. Hell, I may never come back home.

And I've been promised Boiled Peanuts. I may even get to sample some, er, Home Made Wine from a mason jar. This definitely merits a pedicure complete with Street Walker Red nail polish.

Damn, I'd beter start brushing up on my Patsy Cline songs. Two months away! I hate that.

Thank you everyone.

I appreciate all the comments and notes of well-wishing and "sickness abatement" I've gotten over the last few days. You are the best readers ever, and you made this puny old fat-chick feel pretty good. I want to thank you all for taking the time to say such nice things. It went a long way to making me feel better.

And I'm feeling much better. The congestion is beginning to break up, and the cough drops are keeping that in check. I worked the full day on Tuesday, and even though I didn't think I would make it, I did. As long as my voice holds out, I'll make it without having to use any more Paid Time Off (PTO). Gotta save the PTO I can. Got something important I want to do in October. Gonna need a few days. May need a few to recover, too.

Hey, a girl can dream, can't she? Well, can't she?

Thank you.

I woke up this morning and realized that I had picked up the creepy-crud that the Spousal Unit and Little Anna had passed to each other earlier this week. Oh, man, talk about a take-down with extreme prejudice. It feels like my head has been used as a boot-scrape on a muddy day at the clay factory.

I thought I'd get up and fire off a quick letter to someone and while I was up I noticed my counter had gone off the deep end. I investigated. I had been linked by a "Tall Dog" and was reaping the benefits. Folks were actually here and reading who had never been before. Pretty thrilling, all told.

All these new readers running in and out has made this an exciting day for this old broad. I hardly know how to act.

Thank you Acidman. You sure did make a puny old lady feel a lot better today. That was better than daisies in a mason jar on my nightstand and a hot cup of tea and sugar.

Now I need a shot of that sinus remedy I have hidden in the freezer.

Tomorrow, folks. And for all you new folks, read around. There's lots to see.

Okay, so it's just an email joke...

Sometimes I get something in my email that's just to funny not to share. So sue me.

A powerful Democrat senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven."

So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers, "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...Today you voted for us."

VOTE WISELY THIS COMING ELECTION!!

He's here.

Robert Adyn Michael SlagleRock arrived in this world yesterday morning. And for an earlybird, he's a honker. Over 7 pounds and a couple of weeks early? He'd have been a hoss if he had enjoyed his accomodations well enough to finish out his cruise.

New Daddy SlagleRock's rightfully proud of that boy, and of his wonderful wife. Go over to his little corner of the blogosphere and leave him a note of well-wishing.

Tuesday night...

You know, Dr. John is a genius. I've got him in rotation on my on-line radio thing through Yahoo, and each and everytime his music comes up, I have to stop and just listen. And you listen to Dr. John with more than your ears. You listen with every inch of skin ever stroked or caressed by a good lover. You listen with places inside untouched and unknown except to the music.

Amazing, underappreciated, like good lovemaking for your ears.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...

I don't wait well. I don't like waiting. Never have.

Sure, as a kid who travelled a lot, I've learned to be a good rider on cross country trips. And using the commisary on base is another way to learn patience at levels just shy those of divinity.

But for just plain waiting? Sitting at home, waiting for the IM window to pop and those few words to come across that end all the doubts and fears? The message that tells me of the beautiful new little life that's is oh, so near to joining us in the big world?

Torture! Torture, I tell you!

Hurry up, Little-bit. Make me a Great Auntie. And make sure your dad sends me a picture.

What a nice day.

Talk about a nice day. Went to Mooresville, IN and had a wonderful dinner at Gray's Brothers Cafeteria, a place that Steve H would love. Chicken fried the way it was intended by nature: in lard. Amazing home made pies. Good eats all the way around, and really nice servers with coffee and soft drinks before you even realize your cup/glass is empty.

On the way home we did a bad thing, however. I pulled into the parking lot at Bradis Firearms. Always a mistake. You'd think I'd learn. I cannot leave that place without buying something. So far, on different trips, Spousal Unit and I have purchased my Mossberg model 500 home protection .410 shotgun, his Mosin-Nagent Soviet 7.62x.54 carbine, my Mosin-Nagent Soviet 7.62x.54 long rifle, scads of ammo, and various cases.

And today was no exception. Today, I was just looking. Really. I was looking at a gorgeous Yugoslavian SKS, unissued, pristine condition, still in the cosmoline goopey shit for $169, and there, hidding in the big honking macho military guns was this pretty little rifle. So being a girlie girl and liking cute little things tucked in amongst the big honking things, I picked it up.

Another major mistake. Marlin .22LR, "Glenfield" model 60, self-loading tubular magazine. Lists for $189 new. $89. Yes. $89 for her, and she's beautiful. The ones on the Marlin site new don't have the laser engraved embellishments on the stock. So I carried her around for a while, just to see if she spoke to me (which she did), and walked to the counter and bought her.

Oh, and a box of ammo. Can't have a new gun without new ammo. Didn't matter that I have a box in my bedroom at home of the same stuff for my Ruger .22LR Mark II handgun. No. Had to be new just for the rifle. Shoot, like they can tell, right? Leave it to me to anthropomorphize my weapons.

Well, what to do with the rest of the evening... Don't want to go home, nothing going there but the computer. Don't want to go shopping. I've already done my shopping... Sounds like Range-Time to me!

So off we head. Spousal Unit a prisoner in the bucket seat to my right, my new rifle laid securely behind the front seat, we take off to PopGuns, home of the nicest indoor range in town. And lo and behold, they will let me have range time with the rifle. Can't shoot the Mosin-Nagents in there: too big. But the Marlin? Just right.

Plop down the ID, pick up 150 rounds and a set of muffs for Spousal Unit, and off we go into the range.

I don't want to brag (ha!), but for someone who's never fired a rifle of any sort, I didn't do too bad. This is 10 rounds at 12', 10 at 20', 10 at 30' and 20 at 50' and nothing outside the 9 ring. Can't scan in the entire target, but here's the business section with a pencil for scale.

Not bad for an amateur with cokebottle glasses. I wanted to use the NRA targets that all the guys are using for their little Postal Match competition at Neanderpundit just to see how I measured up, but I couldn't find any. I figured a big place like PopGuns would have them. There weren't any out on racks, but I guess I could have asked. But considering I had never fired this rifle, I don't think I did too bad. >

Suggestions for the GOP Convention

I've been thinking about how the GOP could stage an entrance for the President that would rival, nay top, the one by Kerry on the final day of the DNC convention. I've been trying to come up with something so big, so Texas, so completely over that top that Bush-Haters would go completely out of their minds just watching it.

If you remember, Kerry broke with long-standing tradition by entering the convention from the lobby, walking through the crowd of screaming delegates to the stage.

How does one top that... Well, let me try. I'm a pretty creative chick. I just wish I knew where to go to submit this, but it's probably too late. I'm sure they already have something planned.

Scenario 1: The Flying Entrance.

After an evening of music and inspiring speeches and testimonials, the crowd is anxious and prepped for a grand entrance. A lone trumpet sounds the first few notes of the flourishes that preceed "Hail to the Chief." Then silence.

Suddenly, the lights cut to black and brightly colored spots spin and whirl over the crowd, much like the opening effects of most NBA games.

Music with a strong, steady base starts and builds. From a distance, you hear the sounds of jet noise. A jet approaching from a distance. A fighter jet. A fly-by. The jet noise roars across the Gardens and fades out over the stage. The hard bass line contines on.

Then, all the spots quit their whirling and snap to focus high overhead in the back of the crowd on a person... a person in a flightsuit... in a full parachute harness and rigging. He is suspended from wires which hold him aloft and slowly lower him in a gentle arc from the back of the Gardens to the stage at the front. The music cresendos as he reaches the stage, gently touches down and takes his first few steps. With his back to the crowd, he releases his harness, steps out of it, does a quick turn on his heels to face the crowd and gives a huge thumbs-up.

At this point, he walks to the podium, and after a moment of cheers says to the crowd, "When I report for duty, I come prepared for duty."

(of course, people will completely freak, and talking heads will dash for their duct tape to keep their heads from exploding. This alone would make this worthwhile.)

Okay. Sound good? You ain't seen nothing yet.

Scenario 2: The Flight-crew.

The initial set-up is identical to Scenario 1 to the point just beyond the sounds of a fly-over. At this point, all spots hit a point at Stage Right. Towed onto the stage, to the sounds of a taxi-ing jet is an actual Fighter Jet. Ideally, it would be one of the same make as the one flown by the President in the Air National Guard. Sure, it would have to be a shell with no real weight, but it has to be a real jet with functioning canopy. Not to mention, it would have to have an amazing example of nose-art.

Built into the place where once there was a Jet Engine is now a huge fan which blows red, silver, and blue mylar confetti strips out the rear of the plane.

A flight crew runs out, chocks the tires, puts up the ladder, raises the canopy, and the "pilot" removes his helmet to reveal the President, who again waves and gives an enthusiastic "thumbs-up" to the crowd before standing, climbing down the ladder, and taking the podium. After a salute to his flight crew (who would all have to be retired or discharged personnel to avoid all charges of politicizing military personnel), he turns to the crowd and begins his speech.

Ah. Can you imagine the reaction to that? Heck, I'd buy a ticket to sit in the studios at the alphabet news networks just to watch the apoplexy.

Wish I had thought of this months ago. Would have been fun to submit these.

Thanks to Pudgy Pundit for laughing with me and egging me on in IM while we brainstormed this for our own personal amusement the night of Kerry's acceptance speech. I could have never done this without his ROFL's and incitements. Mrs. Pundit is one lucky woman.

Blogroll Update

I just love adding new blogs to my blogroll when I find them. I try to reciprocate as much as I can, and if I'm on yours but you don't see yourself on mine, please let me know. I'm old. I get brain-fade. Sometimes I just swear I've done something when in fact I never got around to it, and that makes me feel bad.

Anyway, take a look at these:

The Steiner Aid

Obnoxious Droppings

A Sailor in the Desert

My apologies, Devildog! I told you I'd probably forget someone, I usually do. Here you are:

Random Firings of Neurons

All good reads. Welcome, sirs. And don't give me that crap about "Sir" being just for officers. It denotes respect, irregardless of rank, and that you have from me. Just be gracious and accept it.

Zarqawi Captured!

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, head of the group suspected of beheading two Bulgarian hostages, has reportedly been arrested in Western Iraq.

Excellent news. Very good news. This is absolutely the best thing I've seen all day, and darned near all week. It's a wonderful thing when an accused murderer and terrorist is captured under any circumstances.

Al-Zarqawi has been arrested by Iraqi police and US military close to the border with Syria, Russian news agency RIA Novosti reported, citing information posted on the Internet.

Zarqawi was dressed in a white T-shirt and blue jeans. Reports claim that he didn't oppose the arrest.

Damned right he didn't resist arrest. And it's a crying shame, too. Probably the biggest disappointment of the entire story for me. The thought that he could have made a sudden move or turned the wrong way and been turned into a red mist... Brings a tear to my eye.

Of couse, it's not much of a surprise that they'd finally flush that monster out. The military has been systematically destroying his network of safe houses, bombing them to rubble, one at a time. Another one was taken out today, with a loss of 13 persons. Folks in a (Not So)Safe House. Ha! One would think they would learn that there's no such thing as a "Safe House" when our troops are hunting their sorry hides like hogs in an over-loaded sty.

I don't know who caught this monster, only that they were wearing either Old Glory on their shoulders or Iraqi flags. All I know is that I want to yell out "Hooah!"

Oh, and by the way...

Dammit, why the hell did I have to google this for foreign news items just to get any information? Not a dog-gone thing on Drudge. Nothing on the AP Breaking news. Nothing domestic.

And another thing: We catch his top lieutenant a couple of days ago and it's announced yesterday. His arrest may have precipitated Al Zarqawi's arrest. And what DO we hear? We hear complaints from the DNC that the timing of these arrests is suspect because it stole a little bit of their "glory" last night and took attention off the honeymoon tour.

This is one of the many reasons I am not a Democrat.

It was a moment...

It was a scripted moment, a moment choreographed to bring the excitement of the Fleet Center to a frenzied pitch. The candidate and his wife, his running mate and his spouse, their families, all standing on the dias with hands high, further inciting the crowd.

The music builds! The signs wave! The balloons.... the balloons...

Carnival

You know, I've been horribly remiss in not welcoming the Carnival of the Vanities readers over here. I do hope you like what you find and read about a little. And come back soon.

Update: Well, that was a wasted effort. Yet another fun forum for writers appears to be biting the dust. Fun while it lasted, I guess. I can only hope the dismal turnout is more due to the summer than to a compelete lack of interest.

Rumble in the Parking Garage.

Damn, I wish I could have seen this happening! My sides still hurt from reading this.

Get thee to the blogson's and read that!

Moore is Fat

For all you Moore is Fat fans, there's a pseudo-MooreIsFat post up at Sithmonkey. Pretty damned funny, especially if you get the Empire references. And we're not talking just StarWars here, either.

(Personal Aside: Darth, I had to add a Z to get around a pre-existing AIM account. Try that. I hadn't forgotten. Just had no way to tell you.)

(Additional Personal Aside: Go Read Blogs for Bush today. It's Wednesday, after all. B4BWW and such. Don't argue, just go.)

Mooreisfat Scoop

It was just too big for my modest blog to hold. Bigger fish to fry than I was able to here, so the good folks at Mooreisfat have posted it for me.

The word just had to get out. And while you're there, buy yourself a copy of the subversive VRWC cookbook that may just put Michael Moore into complete and total Mr. Creosote mode.

Consider Eat What You Want & Die Like A Man one man's contribution to the war on terror within our own borders. Be a patriot. Buy the book.

Blues Cats.

And now for something completely different.

If you have Musicmatch Jukebox, take a listen. Good original blues, friends of the Mama, pick up a copy if you like what you hear.

Declaration of Independence

The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Pith and vinegar

Elizabeth, the TechieVampire at Poisoning Pigeons has become a proud Blog-Mama to her equally opinionated and (we sincerely hope) extremely cool husband. From all the advance on him, I doubt I'll be disappointed.

Welcome to the blogsphere, Mr. Pigeon Poisoner. You have a big shadow to slide out of, so get cracking.

And the rest of you, click these links and say hello. Now.

"Buycott"

From AlphaPatriot, a good reason to send your home improvement supplies business to HomeDepot.

A Million Dollars worth of reasons. And I like your term, "Buycott." I'll be keeping that one myself.

Welcome to the Blogosphere

Enter Michelle Malkin. Beautiful, smart, eloquent, and a tough cookie, too.

I don't know who designed your site, but that's beautiful. Very reader-friendly and it loads nice and quick, always a plus.

Glad to have you among us. Consider yourself linked. And don't listen to Misha. Trust me, I'm absolutely positive he doesn't really think you're a Poopy-head, but it certainly will make for some interesting Google searches.

Just wait until one of his more acrimonious trolls starts that google-bomb at the DU.

*snork*

Aaron is at it again! I just love it when he gets those juices flowing and his brain starts to working. You just never know what will emerge.

This time it's his take on a Country Joe and the Fish classic.

Get thee to the Rantblog, and get thee there now.

Willy Wonka in the 21st Century

AMC last evening showed a "family film," Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, a film originally released in 1971, I believe.

I remember seeing it with the family the first time in the small theatre at Ft. Benjamin Harrison on a Saturday afternoon. Even back then, at about 15 yrs old, I was taken aback by the total "Drugginess" of the movie. It was psychedelic and just a bit sadistic, from the sets and props, to the swirling lyrics that popped and shimmied onto the screen during the Oompa Loompa songs.

Oh, and lest we forget, how about the Kubrick-2001-esque trip through the tunnel with the ever quickening light show, disturbing projections and chicken decapitation? Pretty big gamble back in 1971, wouldn't you say? And no, I don't remember seeing Salvadore Dali's name in the credits anywhere. I looked.

During the film last night, two young couples ate chocolate fondue in what we are asked to imagine was living room of one of couples and discussed the film in brief segments at the commercial breaks. One of them stated that Gene Wilder was not the only person considered for the Wonka role, that one of the others considered was Fred Astaire. I imagine that would have been interesting, what with the psychedelics and such, we would have had the added interest of orange faced Oompa Loompas in tap shoes, shuffling back to Oompa Loompa Land.

Well, rumor of rumors, it seems that nothing is sacred these days (like we didn't know that), and there's a play being made to remake Willy Wonka. (I guess Wizard of Oz was not available, or they'd have taken a shot at that one, too.)

Interesting. Given the times now compared to the times then, it would certainly be different. The Oompa Loompas would probably be into either Hip-Hop or Ozzie. But who would play Charlie or Wonka? Or Grandfather? Or Slugworth? Not to mention those moms and dads and thier vile offspring?

Imagine Quentin Tarantino directing Willie Wonka... Ewww, that would probably mean John Travolta as Wonka. Can't handle that. Could be worse though. Penny Marshall directing would probably inflict Rosie O'Donnell on us as Wonka/Wonkette (sorry, Wonkette). Michael Moore handling it as an anti-Bush diatribe with George Soros as Wonka, destablizing entire governments in his global Gob-Stopper Market Manipulation.

Even worse, Billy Bob Thornton directing and cast as Grandpa, and one of those kids from the Welchs Grape Juice commercials as Charlie. Now I'm scaring myself.

Such an Offer!

I had the most amazing thing happen to me Monday night. Minds out of the gutter, please...

When I am at home blogging, I like to either have the news on in the background, or I listen to talk radio. it's almost always interesting and I can glean all manner of goodies for posting here. It's a veritable plethora of blog-fodder, as it were.

Last night was no different than most, with me at the computer, the spousal unit in front of the television engaged in a situation comedy, and the princess doing homework between excursions into the backyard for muddy Rottweiler wrestling. The radio is on and tuned to local talk, Greg Browning at WXNT 1430am.

Well, let me tell you right now that Mr. Browning was on a tear. He was all over the humiliation torture story coming out of Iraq. And something one of his callers said struck a nerve, so I did something just a tad out of character for me (being that I'm such a shy and private individual) and sent Mr. Browning an email. And damned if he didn't respond. On the air. Said my name wrong, but who doesn't?

I almost ruined a perfectly good keyboard with the Diet Coke I was drinking.

Did I ever tell you I have to be the one to always have the last word? Always? As difficult as that may be to believe, it's true, so I fired of another email to him just to see what would happen, and this time included the URL for this humble little place. And lo and behold, he did it again. And just as nice as could be, he apologized for mispronouncing my name and went on to say that he had looked at my site and...

And...

And he said he would like to have me on his show as a guest in his soon to start segment, the Hot Seat.

I'll be damned. Just dip me in sausage gravy and toss me to the rednecks.

Funniest thing about this is that for months I've been telling the spousal unit that I would just love to spend an hour in studio with this guy. I've never done anything like that, never had much of a desire to after a near catastrophe in high school during a mass media class which we will not go into here. I still have nightmares. But this guy just sounds like such an instigator, such a brat, such a Fun Guy that I have wanted to call up and ask if he were taking applications for fat, obnoxious, middle-aged, menopausal interns, because I'm all over that.

Mr. Browning, the ball is in your court. Just make sure there's a coffee pot on. And I don't want some abbreviate, Indians-Game-Preemption, short show, either. Just make sure you know at all times where "The Button" is, and keep a pretty firm grasp on it. I'm a bit like you in that regard. I have to work pretty hard to keep that filter up and running.

Now is the time...

...to pry yourself away from the witty inanities of this humble blog and do something greater. Yes, Greater! Greatness on a scale not seen since perhaps last summer's blogdrive for Magen David Adom's new ambulance.

Get thee to Aaron's Rantblog and bid. Do it now, while you're thinking about it. Then go down to the cool little Fusileer button at darned near the bottom of my site and hit it. Then put your money where your mouth is.

Yeah, so it takes a while for me to drag my middle-aged assets onto the proverbial bandwagon sometimes, but I'm here now. So make me look good. Hit the button. Or go to Aaron's and hit the button. Or any of the wonderful bloggers associated with this cause.

Oh, don't know what the cause is? Well, I suggest you go to the Spirit of America site and catch up.

Survivor: Blogosphere!

John of Right Wing News has a post up offering his list of the ten bloggers he would want with him if stranded, I assume, on an island.

(Cue Theme Song)

Survivor: Blogosphere! Brought to you this evening by Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room, your online shop for Genuine Rumpus.

1. Why, Emperor Misha, of course. Every group of island-dwelling, Moonbat-whacking misanthopes needs it's very own Benevolent Despot, and I can think of none better. Ready for anything, skilled with Cluebat™ and firearm, and can cuss as well as I can. And he has such a cute accent. What's not to like?

2. Natasha the Troll Basher. Smart, witty, armed, gorgeous, and qualified to wear the Tanktop of Doom™ which is something I will never be. She can mince, slice, dice, fry, dye, and lay to the side any troll she meets, and never break a sweat.

3. BC of the VRWC. Okay, so his own blog tanked. But his guest posts on the Rottie are Verbal Abuse as Art. And he likes to burn things and knows about which vegetation is edible and which you leave for the Moonbats. Not to mention that he's good with snakes of many varieties, and his p0rn collection would cause no end of snickers, giggles, chortles, and guffaws. Beats ghost stories around the campfire. (heh heh, I said "beat")

4. Serenity, even in her current state of physical compromise. Yes, the island will be Crutches Friendly, and her kitty will have fun with all the rodents. Hell yes, bring the pets. Why not? I'll even bring her canine daughter, Pandora, whom I adopted last fall.

5. Sir George Turner must be included, as he is truly the smartest man I know, and if anything needs McGyvered while we're there, he can do it. Plus he has many firearms to play with along the beaches. Not to mention that his song-spinning skills are legendary and would keep us entertained for hours. Perhaps even weeks.

6. Darth Monkeybone. Don't let that wild verbage fool you. He's quite the Gallant. And you never know when you're going to need an Evil Sithmonkey around. He could avert a Simian Invasion from the surrounding jungles, subjugate the defeated survivors, and train them to make sammichs. It could happen.

7. Aaron, the Rantblogger, just because there's so much I want to talk to him about. And because my island has electricity and full cable access, he has to teach me how he does those great photoshop pieces. And I'll let him play with my guns.

8. Chelle, because I'm sure she'd enjoy it. And because I'm sure she'd make for some pretty spirited arguments.

9. Okay, okay, I'd bring the Spousal Unit too, even though it will mean needing a sitter for who knows how long, and that could run into some money. If I didn't bring him, he'd pout and carry on for months. Good thing Chelle's coming with. She can help me keep his sorry ass in line. And he'll like it. He has his orders.

10. You're going to think I've lost my mind. But think about it: semi-naked (okay, in a diaper), tied in spread-eagle between four well-paced, supple, and stout saplings. The ropes are taut, and his ass is just touching the sand. Every night, as the tide comes in, so do the crabs. Hungry, pinching, mean little crabs. Yes, you've got it, I'd bring Michael Moore-on for the hours of entertainment his presence would provide. We wouldn't have to feed him much because of his ample stores, and if we were forced to leave the island, he would double as the outrigger on any palm canoe or raft we built. Yeah, we'd probably have to duct-tape his yap shut, but it would be worth it. And no, there's no link to him here, because I don't want him to gain any traffic, however small, from my humble little blog. I do, however, love the Cox and Forkum take...*smirk*

Of course, there's bloggers-a-plenty on the reserve list in case any one of these couldn't make it, job obligations and such being what they are. But wouldn't this be a fun group? I sure think so. I'm just trying to figure out how to get Steve there to brew hooch for us. And MadfishWillie needs to make my PinaColadas. And Jay needs to be my eye-candy! Not to mention Donnie for recon, and Matt for jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, and... (are you seeing a trend here, folks?) Oh, the list may never end!

And I want no guff about not bringing enough fellow female bloggers. You want more women? Find your own damned island.

Side note: Funny how trackback seems so "selective..."

WooHoo!

Get thee to the Commissar's and put in a word for my submission for his caption contest.

Or put your own caption in. It's fun! It's Easy! It will earn you big points with the Mama (or not, if your submission is exponentially better than mine).

Oh? Really?

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday Mammamontezz,
Happy Birthday to me!

WooHoo! Where's the cake?