Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room

Humor of the Day

Our Friend Catfish sent us these little tidbits. Just had to share them!

Priestly Humor

A burgular broke into a house one night. He shone his
flashlight around, looking for valuables. As he picked up a
CD player, a strange voice echoed in the darkness saying,
"Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, turned his flashlight off
and froze. He heard nothing more. After a while, he shook
his head and promised himself a vacation after the next big
score, then clicked the light back on and began searching
for more valuables.

But as he started to disconnect the
wires of the stereo, he again heard the words, "Jesus is
watching you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the
room, the beam of the flashlight came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" the burgular hissed.
"Yep, I'm just trying to warn you."
"Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burgular laughed. "What king of stupid person
would name a parrot "Moses'?"

The bird answered, "The same kind of stupid person that
would name a rottweiler "Jesus.'"

*************************************************
GOOD
A Michigan policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem -- a 12-year-old
boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR
TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road
with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used
to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Troy, MI. A $40 speeding ticket was
included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of
$40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As Michigan State
Trooper Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket
book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball.
"He replied, "Michigan State Troopers don't have balls." There was a
moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car

***************************************************

Subject: Pharmacy Lesson

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade
name and a generic name. For example, the trade name
of Tylenol also has the generic name of acetaminophen.
Aleve is actually naproxen. Amoxil is also amoxicillin and
Advil is also ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts,
it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name
of mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixadud,
dixafix and, of course, ibepokin.

*************************************************

An American is having breakfast in Paris one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

French man: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

French: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the States."

The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of course."

Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the States."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do," he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the French

**********************************************************

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished,
but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.

That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should
meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely,
this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle, My
car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and
immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

**************************************************************

Posted by Delftsman3 at October 27, 2004 02:24 AM