Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room

Suggestions for the GOP Convention

I've been thinking about how the GOP could stage an entrance for the President that would rival, nay top, the one by Kerry on the final day of the DNC convention. I've been trying to come up with something so big, so Texas, so completely over that top that Bush-Haters would go completely out of their minds just watching it.

If you remember, Kerry broke with long-standing tradition by entering the convention from the lobby, walking through the crowd of screaming delegates to the stage.

How does one top that... Well, let me try. I'm a pretty creative chick. I just wish I knew where to go to submit this, but it's probably too late. I'm sure they already have something planned.

Scenario 1: The Flying Entrance.

After an evening of music and inspiring speeches and testimonials, the crowd is anxious and prepped for a grand entrance. A lone trumpet sounds the first few notes of the flourishes that preceed "Hail to the Chief." Then silence.

Suddenly, the lights cut to black and brightly colored spots spin and whirl over the crowd, much like the opening effects of most NBA games.

Music with a strong, steady base starts and builds. From a distance, you hear the sounds of jet noise. A jet approaching from a distance. A fighter jet. A fly-by. The jet noise roars across the Gardens and fades out over the stage. The hard bass line contines on.

Then, all the spots quit their whirling and snap to focus high overhead in the back of the crowd on a person... a person in a flightsuit... in a full parachute harness and rigging. He is suspended from wires which hold him aloft and slowly lower him in a gentle arc from the back of the Gardens to the stage at the front. The music cresendos as he reaches the stage, gently touches down and takes his first few steps. With his back to the crowd, he releases his harness, steps out of it, does a quick turn on his heels to face the crowd and gives a huge thumbs-up.

At this point, he walks to the podium, and after a moment of cheers says to the crowd, "When I report for duty, I come prepared for duty."

(of course, people will completely freak, and talking heads will dash for their duct tape to keep their heads from exploding. This alone would make this worthwhile.)

Okay. Sound good? You ain't seen nothing yet.

Scenario 2: The Flight-crew.

The initial set-up is identical to Scenario 1 to the point just beyond the sounds of a fly-over. At this point, all spots hit a point at Stage Right. Towed onto the stage, to the sounds of a taxi-ing jet is an actual Fighter Jet. Ideally, it would be one of the same make as the one flown by the President in the Air National Guard. Sure, it would have to be a shell with no real weight, but it has to be a real jet with functioning canopy. Not to mention, it would have to have an amazing example of nose-art.

Built into the place where once there was a Jet Engine is now a huge fan which blows red, silver, and blue mylar confetti strips out the rear of the plane.

A flight crew runs out, chocks the tires, puts up the ladder, raises the canopy, and the "pilot" removes his helmet to reveal the President, who again waves and gives an enthusiastic "thumbs-up" to the crowd before standing, climbing down the ladder, and taking the podium. After a salute to his flight crew (who would all have to be retired or discharged personnel to avoid all charges of politicizing military personnel), he turns to the crowd and begins his speech.

Ah. Can you imagine the reaction to that? Heck, I'd buy a ticket to sit in the studios at the alphabet news networks just to watch the apoplexy.

Wish I had thought of this months ago. Would have been fun to submit these.

Thanks to Pudgy Pundit for laughing with me and egging me on in IM while we brainstormed this for our own personal amusement the night of Kerry's acceptance speech. I could have never done this without his ROFL's and incitements. Mrs. Pundit is one lucky woman.

Posted by Mamamontezz at August 6, 2004 12:49 PM