August 06, 2004

Suggestions for the GOP Convention

I've been thinking about how the GOP could stage an entrance for the President that would rival, nay top, the one by Kerry on the final day of the DNC convention. I've been trying to come up with something so big, so Texas, so completely over that top that Bush-Haters would go completely out of their minds just watching it.

If you remember, Kerry broke with long-standing tradition by entering the convention from the lobby, walking through the crowd of screaming delegates to the stage.

How does one top that... Well, let me try. I'm a pretty creative chick. I just wish I knew where to go to submit this, but it's probably too late. I'm sure they already have something planned.

Scenario 1: The Flying Entrance.

After an evening of music and inspiring speeches and testimonials, the crowd is anxious and prepped for a grand entrance. A lone trumpet sounds the first few notes of the flourishes that preceed "Hail to the Chief." Then silence.

Suddenly, the lights cut to black and brightly colored spots spin and whirl over the crowd, much like the opening effects of most NBA games.

Music with a strong, steady base starts and builds. From a distance, you hear the sounds of jet noise. A jet approaching from a distance. A fighter jet. A fly-by. The jet noise roars across the Gardens and fades out over the stage. The hard bass line contines on.

Then, all the spots quit their whirling and snap to focus high overhead in the back of the crowd on a person... a person in a flightsuit... in a full parachute harness and rigging. He is suspended from wires which hold him aloft and slowly lower him in a gentle arc from the back of the Gardens to the stage at the front. The music cresendos as he reaches the stage, gently touches down and takes his first few steps. With his back to the crowd, he releases his harness, steps out of it, does a quick turn on his heels to face the crowd and gives a huge thumbs-up.

At this point, he walks to the podium, and after a moment of cheers says to the crowd, "When I report for duty, I come prepared for duty."

(of course, people will completely freak, and talking heads will dash for their duct tape to keep their heads from exploding. This alone would make this worthwhile.)

Okay. Sound good? You ain't seen nothing yet.

Scenario 2: The Flight-crew.

The initial set-up is identical to Scenario 1 to the point just beyond the sounds of a fly-over. At this point, all spots hit a point at Stage Right. Towed onto the stage, to the sounds of a taxi-ing jet is an actual Fighter Jet. Ideally, it would be one of the same make as the one flown by the President in the Air National Guard. Sure, it would have to be a shell with no real weight, but it has to be a real jet with functioning canopy. Not to mention, it would have to have an amazing example of nose-art.

Built into the place where once there was a Jet Engine is now a huge fan which blows red, silver, and blue mylar confetti strips out the rear of the plane.

A flight crew runs out, chocks the tires, puts up the ladder, raises the canopy, and the "pilot" removes his helmet to reveal the President, who again waves and gives an enthusiastic "thumbs-up" to the crowd before standing, climbing down the ladder, and taking the podium. After a salute to his flight crew (who would all have to be retired or discharged personnel to avoid all charges of politicizing military personnel), he turns to the crowd and begins his speech.

Ah. Can you imagine the reaction to that? Heck, I'd buy a ticket to sit in the studios at the alphabet news networks just to watch the apoplexy.

Wish I had thought of this months ago. Would have been fun to submit these.

Thanks to Pudgy Pundit for laughing with me and egging me on in IM while we brainstormed this for our own personal amusement the night of Kerry's acceptance speech. I could have never done this without his ROFL's and incitements. Mrs. Pundit is one lucky woman.

Posted by Mamamontezz at August 6, 2004 12:49 PM

How about this:

After all the speeches and such-n-such. The crowd calms to almost total silence. Then, the Imperial March starts to blast over teh PA system, a large, previously unseen hatch in the roof starts to retract, the whine of jet engines can be heard, as soon as the hatch is fully retracted, a TAV-8B Harrier II two-seat-trainer descends through the hatch onto a reinforced heat resistant stage. The canopy opens and George Bush exits to make his speech. (not sure what would happen to TAV-8B, it and its pilot might leave it there till the convention is over, or it might fly back out, if it has enough cooling-water left for a Vertical Take Off).

Posted by: UZI4U (aka Murdock) at August 6, 2004 01:36 PM

Pretty funny stuff. Dukakis-in-the-tank moments all (by the Press's lights), unforch.

I thought it would be mad fun to have him introduced by Saddam Hussein himself...after he had been escorted on stage by those seven guys who got the new hands, and who would also speak.

Now, what would Peter Jennings do with THAT?

Posted by: Stephen at August 6, 2004 02:03 PM

Excellent! And just because it would be funny.l He should stand there for a full seven minutes before beginning to speak.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at August 6, 2004 04:59 PM

All are great ideas, but in all honesty all he has to do is walk on stage and he will be far more presidential, presentable and honorable than Kerry could ever be.

SlagleRock Out!

Posted by: SlagleRock at August 6, 2004 08:20 PM

Pretty doggone funny. I remember back in the late 50's through the 60's when in mid summer and fall you could go to the county fairs and carnivals and see the freak shows. Those days are gone now, political correctness you know, except for one outlet, the Democrat party. Now it's an every 4 year event with constant rehearsals in between with the same old freaks and misfits and their offspring or spawn. I still can't tell if Kerry and Edwards are campaigning or mating.

Posted by: Jack at August 7, 2004 08:51 AM

poker me up

Posted by: poker me up at December 30, 2004 02:45 PM

Cum summam patrimoni insculpere saxo!

Posted by: vimax at April 8, 2005 10:28 AM
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