September 08, 2005

News, good or bad...

I received an email today from the Spousal Unit in response to one of mine that instructed him to call Social Security and find out the status of his case.

This is what he said:

"The reviewers office person told me that a decision had been made, could not tell me the decision, and that it had been sent to Chicago on a random quality check on the 15 of August, and that I should get a letter within the next week with all the information."

I read that and felt a ham-handed stirring in my gut. A decision has been made. Good, bad or indifferent.

Send up a little prayer that it's good news. Even if all we get is one month's check, it would make all the difference in the world. It might just give Delfts back some of his dignity and take combative stench from the air inside our home.

Posted by Mamamontezz at 07:17 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

September 07, 2005

The Gift

As I emerged from the bathroom to prepare for work, Chris came through the kitchen with a small, cardboard box in his hand and a an excited smile on his face.

"It's here!"

"Oh! Open it!"

He pulled the end of the box open and peered inside. His smile widened when he saw all the little bits of wrapped affection, and he looked at me and smiled so very happily.

"I wonder who's is who's...", he said quietly, scanning about the interior from the open end.

"We'll know." And with that, the first items were pulled from its cramped interior.

A box of Sees chocolates bearing my name, and a duplicate wrapped in blue for Anna. I smiled widely and felt warm at the thought that little Anna had been included. She will be so pleased to have gotten a gift.

Two CDs, one each labeled for Chris and I. Within moments I had it in the drive to protect it and to be ready to load it into my drives and enjoy it as soon as I return from work tonight. I mused its mysteries as I set it into the tray of the drive and wished I could have listened to it then and there.

A small packet of pink tissue proclaimed itself to be mine, and it weighed heavy and warm in my hand, warm merely from the sun outside yet also as warm as though it had come directly from your sweet hand.

I looked up to see Chris looking at the bag of candy Legos, and laughed at his reaction, one of curious surprise and amused pleasure. I giggled at his response, and he chuckled and smiled broadly in return.

I looked at the pink papered secret in my hand and daintily opened it. It tingled and chimed softly, and a strand of silver bells slipped, serpentine, into the palm of my hand. I palmed the pink tissue with its remaining item, and held the ends of the strand between the fingertips of both hands, feeling it, deceptively heavy for such a delicate look, and hearing it, gently tinkling as it's myriad of small bells.

A quick whoop interrupted my intimate reverie, and I looked up to see Chris pulling a heavy black dragon from the confines of a black plastic bag. He wasted no time encircling his neck with its stout chain, and kept repeating the same almost unintelligible phrase of pleasure over and over.

I now looked down at the item still tucked into it's fragile wrap and quietly slipped it out into my hand. Weighty, so very warm, it settled solidly into the palm of my hand. Hand, blessing, eye of protection and warding, roses of Sharon, prayer on the back, ancient symbols... once, long ago, I had worn this same symbol. It was a feeling of familiar strength, and it set so warm in my palm that if I had closed my eyes it would have been your hand there in its place.

Chris now held up the shiny white box that remained and rattled it.

"What's this?" As though I knew.

"Well, open it."

Matches lined up head to head in casual ranks within the traylike box, and Chris delighted at them before dashing off to his bedroom to peer in the mirror at the dragon newly landed about his neck.

I gathered up the tinkling delight and took it with me to the bathroom. My first thought was that I would have to wear it around a wrist as that was where most anklets ended up, so I slipped it over my arm and caught it underneath, hook and loop. When I lowered my arm, it almost slipped off. So tentatively raised my naked foot to the edge of the white tub and slowly wrapped the shiny delicacy around it...

I smiled a great smile and even a small giggle broke through as I looked at the jingly circlet that fit, albeit with little extra room, around my ankle. It sang a hundred tiny songs as I walked across the bedroom, and I was loath to remove it for work...

So now I sit here at my desk with a secret smile and your beautiful gift, silent and obvious only to me, held securely within the confines of a sock under the leg of my slacks.

And in my mind's eye I imagine you padding about your bedroom to the soft tinkling songs of it's mate.

And we both thank you so very much for being thought of so.

Posted by Mamamontezz at 05:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 04, 2005

fera's moment.

Sometimes in the midst of calamity and tragedy we find voices that tell us more than we want to know, yet what we need to know. Today, in a post on a group of which I am a member, this was posted by a woman known in the group as fera. It is powerful, stirring, a stream of consciousness monologue that touched me greatly as I struggled to comprehend the feelings that poured out from it. So powerful, in fact, that I approached her and asked her permission to post it here exactly as written.

Yes, it's difficult to read. Imagine yourself in such a situation, suffering from lack of sleep and battered by what you've seen and heard and experienced. Put yourself in her mind and heart as she sat at the computer during what had to be a rare moment to herself, trying to chronicle her last few days.

we got power back to the hospital last night so i get to see my first real pictures the ones you all are seeing to see what eyes you are seeing us through its sad that what you get to see is all the bad thats going on its heartbreaking that it is but times are so hard for so many the poorest of the area mostly stayed and like wild animals so fight for their lives and like animals some distroy for no reason seems the fact that you should thank whom ever you wish that you live and try to change to something better i dont know how to feel .. we all were lucky it made a small turn to the east and as my heart goes out to them im glad we didnt get hit worse i have family/ friends we cant find both here and in Mississippi some foolishly chose to stay thinking they were high enough thinking that like so many other times we would somehow be passed over once again some neglecting to think that the place had changed so much sence the last " bad one " that concrete covered more and new groups of housing were built over the flood planes . some choose to stay with family to sick to make the trip out and wishing that if it ends it would be in their own home . i cant say if it was my mom i wouldnot have done that same thing some whos job dictated they stay to help see not all those who are there are animals but they dont show that they dont do the huge stories about the Drs nurses and others who are passing out from heat and dehydration who start ivs on each other so they can help one more person to save one more life .. the cops and firemen who are right there who kissed their familys bye knowing they could die to just stay and help .... where are the stories of the transportation companies that had things in place but their equipment is gone because the storm turned to much to the east how they are trying to get new suplies in there but now have to start organing from stratch again teaming up together to help Southern LA not just New Orleans, Mississippi , Alabama and Southern Florida i sit comfitable for a few hours then go back to wait for lights and a life i had untill a few days ago blesses at what i have im better off than so many. i try to help out where i can. doing what i can with what we have. ive lost patient after patient because of the conditions here we got in another 16 bodies in the last hours my hospital is on lock down because supplies are so low. every patient we have cant breath or has bleeding uncontroled, chest pain, high fever . My Doctors dont leave sleeping when they can covering for each other. other Drs are seting up their offices as make shift walk in clinics to try and help till what meds they have are gone i watched nurses Drs tecs lab xray resp security admit clerks work in sweltering conditions in the same thing day after day or in shorts and tees because its all they had some working 16 hours many on days they didnt have to be here. the schools that opened up their freazers and told the hospitals here take whatever you can use the drug reps that bring in what supplies they have and food for those who are working where are those stories the ones that show the poor guy from across the state or country who is working like a dog trying to get wire after wire fixed so we could have power to do our job and to get as much each day done . the ones who have been told they have lost a sister or loved one or everything they own and cant take the time to stop because they are needed. or the 10 year old who is running around from room to room with ice,water and wet rags from room to room and patient and nurses. the story of the heartbreak of looking at some one and telling them im sorry i cant help you right now you need to try to get someplace else knowing what that could mean . and why do all this two reasons one its what we do two have you ever seen the look in someones eyes that lost everything or feels they have and you give them water or something to eat or help them to make it another day i dont know im rambaling because i have a min to think ( sometimes triage is a good thing esp when your not the guy at the door saying ok you can come in) sorry had to tell what they werent see its not all bad here

When I asked her permission, she asked that I include this as well:

hun if you would like to pass on my post feel free but i need to clarafy something although we did get alotof damage from the storm here i am about 30-45 miles north west of New Orleans and all though things werent nice here they are 100 times worse there i am so touched by everyone who worried about me and mine but i am ok things could have been much worse if the storm had not moved alittle to the right. i dont post about here for any other reason but to get it out alittle i feel so cut off at times and just try to make it a little better i had several friends that work or worked in the hospitals in New Orleans some have gotten out some havent i cant post their stories here i wouldnt its just to bad and the things they saw and went through even i cant fathom from what i have seen in pictures on the net or that they brought back on phones or whatever these people stayed knowing what could happen and did it because thats the kind of people they are. i dont belittle the things i am doing not to say its alot but what the Drs, nurses, firefighters, cops,city workers and all those who stayed not because they couldnt leave but to care for those who didnt ,did and are still doing leaves me without words ..... fera

Please do what you can, Salvation Army, your local church or other spiritual congregation, an organized effort at your job, anything.

Posted by Mamamontezz at 04:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Master's Loving Touch

A dear friend of mine, my mentor in a lifestyle as well as in life, on Friday suffered the loss of His first teacher in the ways of the Master. Saddened at His death, my Mentor wrote this to honor the man who lead Him, guided Him, and taught Him the ways of the Dominant.

It is a beautiful window into the life that is the Master and Mentor.

The old Dom lay upon his deathbed, his body worn and gray,
His sons, students and submissives gathered about him,
Though long they had dreaded this day.
He knew that his long journey was almost done,
And that now it would end.
He looked into the eyes of those he loved
And knew of no better way this time to spend.
"My sons, students” he said to them, "My time is growing short.
I ask of no tears on my grave.
I was never that sort.
I have no need for a memorial,
Save what i give unto you.
Let not the lesson that i have taught you vanish like the morning early dew,
For you my Brothers are Dominants....the ones to whom they bend their knee,
With downcast eyes and yearning souls and so brightly soaring needs,
For the submissive woman is like unto no other
In her mind, her body and soul.
For her the journey is rocky and harsh,
But she will have no other road.
That road is fraught with peril,
Their path at best a bitter sweet run,
A lonely, soaring, searching need to find the truly Dominant one
To cast away the wannabes, the abusers and the cruel.
To find the one that she can serve,
And not be seen as less when she calls him ‘Master’
As she kneels in from of his chair.
For with that title there come a trust that no 'nilla can understand,
To take her mind, her heart and soul and mold it with the Masters hand
To protect her against all the world, be she right or wrong,
To love her enough to discipline her into the cold and night regardless of the cost
To bring forth from her the beauty that the truth was always there,
Had any the eyes which to see,
To show unto her the hardest truths,
How a chain can make you free
And how a woman that is kneeling, can stand above the rest.
And how to have the strength to offer her submission can be the hardest test.”
He felt a chill pass thru his heart,
And knew his time had come.
It was time to leave this mortal Earth,
His allotted time over.
And as the darkness closed around him,
He bid it to stay a moment more
And gasped a last quick message unto his sons, his students and his mate.
“In leather have i lived my life and in leather i die.
The leather that bonds us unto the other...
A bond as true as the cycles of the earth.
For in leather we are a family...
A bond that none save us can break.
Dom and sub, we stand together as one,
Each with a thirst for the other to taste.
Learn and teach the rules my friends and forget not the old ways
As I have taught them unto you.
Welcome the newbie, gather them in.
Protect them as once I did you,
Be their shelter against the storm of the world
That would destroy them without a care for them.
And from wherever I am,
Be it heaven or hell,
I will be proud of the fruit that my teachings have brought.”
With a tug in his arm he could say no more,
And Death did claim him that day as its own.
He cast off the old and weary flesh
And looked back upon what his words had sown
And saw them standing there, tall and proud,
Or kneeling without shame.
Both Dom and sub, each in there place,
Both proud to bear the name.
He looked into the dark clad angels face and said,
"All is as it should be.
The Doms will protect them unto their last breath,
The subs are proud to bend their knee.
I have done all i can do here, I see nothing left undone.
The journey now is over, the battle fought, the final race done.”
And as he left the lowly earth, he looked back one last time
And bid a silent and soft farewell to those he left behind,
And he turned and left them there.
He knew with all his heart that what he had created
Would never tarnish or rust
For within each of them he had left
The Loving Master's Touch.

Posted by Mamamontezz at 04:32 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack