September 04, 2005
fera's moment.
Sometimes in the midst of calamity and tragedy we find voices that tell us more than we want to know, yet what we need to know. Today, in a post on a group of which I am a member, this was posted by a woman known in the group as fera. It is powerful, stirring, a stream of consciousness monologue that touched me greatly as I struggled to comprehend the feelings that poured out from it. So powerful, in fact, that I approached her and asked her permission to post it here exactly as written.
Yes, it's difficult to read. Imagine yourself in such a situation, suffering from lack of sleep and battered by what you've seen and heard and experienced. Put yourself in her mind and heart as she sat at the computer during what had to be a rare moment to herself, trying to chronicle her last few days.
we got power back to the hospital last night so i get to see my first real pictures the ones you all are seeing to see what eyes you are seeing us through its sad that what you get to see is all the bad thats going on its heartbreaking that it is but times are so hard for so many the poorest of the area mostly stayed and like wild animals so fight for their lives and like animals some distroy for no reason seems the fact that you should thank whom ever you wish that you live and try to change to something better i dont know how to feel .. we all were lucky it made a small turn to the east and as my heart goes out to them im glad we didnt get hit worse i have family/ friends we cant find both here and in Mississippi some foolishly chose to stay thinking they were high enough thinking that like so many other times we would somehow be passed over once again some neglecting to think that the place had changed so much sence the last " bad one " that concrete covered more and new groups of housing were built over the flood planes . some choose to stay with family to sick to make the trip out and wishing that if it ends it would be in their own home . i cant say if it was my mom i wouldnot have done that same thing some whos job dictated they stay to help see not all those who are there are animals but they dont show that they dont do the huge stories about the Drs nurses and others who are passing out from heat and dehydration who start ivs on each other so they can help one more person to save one more life .. the cops and firemen who are right there who kissed their familys bye knowing they could die to just stay and help .... where are the stories of the transportation companies that had things in place but their equipment is gone because the storm turned to much to the east how they are trying to get new suplies in there but now have to start organing from stratch again teaming up together to help Southern LA not just New Orleans, Mississippi , Alabama and Southern Florida i sit comfitable for a few hours then go back to wait for lights and a life i had untill a few days ago blesses at what i have im better off than so many. i try to help out where i can. doing what i can with what we have. ive lost patient after patient because of the conditions here we got in another 16 bodies in the last hours my hospital is on lock down because supplies are so low. every patient we have cant breath or has bleeding uncontroled, chest pain, high fever . My Doctors dont leave sleeping when they can covering for each other. other Drs are seting up their offices as make shift walk in clinics to try and help till what meds they have are gone i watched nurses Drs tecs lab xray resp security admit clerks work in sweltering conditions in the same thing day after day or in shorts and tees because its all they had some working 16 hours many on days they didnt have to be here. the schools that opened up their freazers and told the hospitals here take whatever you can use the drug reps that bring in what supplies they have and food for those who are working where are those stories the ones that show the poor guy from across the state or country who is working like a dog trying to get wire after wire fixed so we could have power to do our job and to get as much each day done . the ones who have been told they have lost a sister or loved one or everything they own and cant take the time to stop because they are needed. or the 10 year old who is running around from room to room with ice,water and wet rags from room to room and patient and nurses. the story of the heartbreak of looking at some one and telling them im sorry i cant help you right now you need to try to get someplace else knowing what that could mean . and why do all this two reasons one its what we do two have you ever seen the look in someones eyes that lost everything or feels they have and you give them water or something to eat or help them to make it another day i dont know im rambaling because i have a min to think ( sometimes triage is a good thing esp when your not the guy at the door saying ok you can come in) sorry had to tell what they werent see its not all bad here
When I asked her permission, she asked that I include this as well:
hun if you would like to pass on my post feel free but i need to clarafy something although we did get alotof damage from the storm here i am about 30-45 miles north west of New Orleans and all though things werent nice here they are 100 times worse there i am so touched by everyone who worried about me and mine but i am ok things could have been much worse if the storm had not moved alittle to the right. i dont post about here for any other reason but to get it out alittle i feel so cut off at times and just try to make it a little better i had several friends that work or worked in the hospitals in New Orleans some have gotten out some havent i cant post their stories here i wouldnt its just to bad and the things they saw and went through even i cant fathom from what i have seen in pictures on the net or that they brought back on phones or whatever these people stayed knowing what could happen and did it because thats the kind of people they are. i dont belittle the things i am doing not to say its alot but what the Drs, nurses, firefighters, cops,city workers and all those who stayed not because they couldnt leave but to care for those who didnt ,did and are still doing leaves me without words ..... fera
Please do what you can, Salvation Army, your local church or other spiritual congregation, an organized effort at your job, anything.