July 29, 2004

John Kerry Acceptance Speech Drinking Game

It's time to announce the rules for the "John Kerry Acceptance Speech Drinking Game!"

To play the game, you need a few things: a shot glass, a television, access to the Loyal Citizens chatroom (accessible via the Rottie), and a designated sober person for either making sure you don't miss a reference during the game or the toilet afterward.

Originally, I had thought it would be like most drinking games, in that the object was to do shots. However, indications are that shots might not be a good idea, because we'd have VRWC's all over the country in hospitals tonight with alcohol poisoning. Maybe 2oz beer shots? Heck, even Pepsi would good,if it were all you had.

Cues for taking your beershot:

1. Every time he says "when I served in Viet Nam."

2. Every time he says "Purple Heart."

3. Every time he says "Fair Share."

4. Every time he says "During my career."

5. Anytime he attempts a joke or takes a stab at humor, for which humor will probably file charges for attempted murder.

6. Every time he makes a reference to "Corporate Welfare" or "tax cuts for the rich."

7. Every time he says "I know what it's like..."

8. Every time he makes a reference to a Kennedy, dead or alive.

See what I mean about not doing actual shots? People could die, and we need all your votes in November. And unlike the Dims, we don't vote from the grave.

Posted by SlagleRock at July 29, 2004 03:12 PM

I'd like to add several categories.....

1) Every time he utters "Health Care"

2) "Two America's"

3) "World Respect"

4) "United, Not Divided"

Hell, we could just start drinking the case of beer now and save having to sit through his scatalogical spewings. Dial 9-1-1 or Poison Control before the speech starts and give 'em a "heads up" to come get you when the 55 minutes of agony are over.


Posted by: B.C. at July 29, 2004 05:49 PM

Haha. Nice. You can just erase everything other than Vietnam mentions. That will be enough to be completely trashed.

Posted by: Chad Evans at July 29, 2004 08:25 PM

Bacardi 151 shots if you fall asleep from boredom (as opposed to lapsing into an alcohol induced coma) before the 10-minute mark.

Posted by: mAss Backwards at July 29, 2004 08:40 PM

At least being drunk will help numb the pain of living under the leadership of a coward and a liar, George W. Bush.

At least being drunk will numb the pain of sore sides from laughing at the pretention of a coward and a liar, John Fucking Kerry. Mamamontezz
Posted by: Sees at July 29, 2004 08:40 PM

MamaM, great post! Now I know why I'm not an alcoholoc ... don't own a TV set.

Looking forward to the pleasure of watching sees puking its guts out, trying to drink the pain away ...

Posted by: Asher Abrams at July 29, 2004 09:27 PM

Slightly O/T but speaking of alcohol, I loved Brooks' metaphor of J*K as the Dim party's "designated driver".

Posted by: Asher Abrams at July 29, 2004 09:28 PM

Uh-oh, Blackfive is drunk, now...

Posted by: Blackfive at July 29, 2004 10:26 PM

He talks in the third person when he's in his cups.

Posted by: Blackfive at July 29, 2004 10:26 PM

Even if I WERE still a drinker, I don't think that I could drink that much in two or three hours.

Considering that the dhimmi's never tire of spouting the same tired catch-phrases ad infinitum, indeed, that seems to be all the fuel they are able to raise steam on, one could easily slip into a comma trying to keep up.

Posted by: the_redfalcon at July 30, 2004 04:33 PM

Its "coma" not comma.

Posted by: Casey at July 30, 2004 07:37 PM

poker me up

Posted by: poker me up at December 30, 2004 02:44 PM

Magna laude...

Posted by: penis at April 12, 2005 08:33 AM
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