August 14, 2009

It Isn't Genocide if it Saves the Earth

And now, for your reading pleasure, a dramatic piece of prose about the struggle between good and evil, about man's inhumanity toward man, and about the terror of mental zombies with agendas. I present to you "It Isn't Genocide if it Saves the Earth."

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Those Damned smokers are ruining everything. They're all scum. They should be driven from every decent progressive country and forced to live in dank, fetid, overpopulated, vermin-infested, malarial gulags as far from caring, healthy, intellegent, noble, charitable people as possible.

Even better, there should be some way to just eliminate them completely, them and their stinking, filthy habit. And not just cigarettes, either. Pipes and cigars, snuff, chew, even those little packets in the tins and stuff. Get rid of them all!

Don't even waste those uninhabitable and inhospitable gulags on them. Save that hellish real estate for when we drive away all of those sweaty, greasy, twinkie-eating, burger munching, out-of-breath, lazy fatties so that we beautiful, trim, perfectly progressive and enlightened people don't have to deal with them anymore either.

Yeah, and there's a way to do it, too. And it would be so easy too:

Deny all of them access to the flu vaccine and let nature take it's course!

Hey, it makes sense. That H1N1 thing would be just the thing to do it. I mean, look what it did in 1918. I mean, it ended a war! It completely ended a war! It wiped out so many warmongering officers and mindless cannon fodder that there was no one left to fight, so everyone just went home. And with all of the hyperagressive males eliminated from the population of the world, there was peace for two whole decades.

Sure, I mean, there was that whole fascism thing in Europe, and the national socialists and stuff, but those were all just little, internal things and reclaiming land that was rightfully theirs because they ruled it like 2,000 years ago or something. I mean, it was really peace because the bullies of the world didn't step in and try to throw their weight around and protect some anti-change, antiquated group of ethnic or religious terrorists by calling them "Resistance Fighters" or some other ultra-conservative label drenched in the stench of provincial romanticism.

So here's what we do: First someone would have to find a source for the virus so that researchers and responsible scientists can claim a need seek it out, to find it in remote places under dramatic circumstances, to desecrate graves to retrieve it, and to bring it back alive even if a bit fragmented.

Then we find a huge governmental department or progressive, apolitical (apolitical=thinks like us, not like the people we want to be rid of), philantropic organization to study it under so-called "controlled conditions" that are not nearly as controlled and safe as they need to be. While it's symbolically somewhat lightly restrained and vaguely contained, the truly socially conscious among those scientists can make certain that it will target all the people we know are the ones who are killing the world with their smoke and their cow farts and their huge carbon footprints that they refuse to even acknowlege, much less be resposible for.

At this point, the virus will (naturally) escape from the unnatural environment of the lab and will go forth and prosper among the unsuspecting masses. Slow at first, it will make a flashy debut then settle in for a nice slow progression through the population. It should progress so slowly and steadily that it becomes boring and drops from the radar, ignored by major media and the unsuspecting targeted part of the population until it begins to really make some inroads.

That's when the real media blitz starts. We get some big organizations to start fussing about how it doesn't matter how much vacine is made, there can never be enough, whether that's true or not. Really push that. Hard. Over and over again. It will be our own Big Lie™ and we need to repeat it as much as we can so people take it as irrefutable.

Then we need to start planting that seed of Social Inequity that stirs the pot a bit more: Not only will there not be enough vaccine, it will not be fairly distributed. It will all go to Wealthy Nations full of fat, over-indulged smokers with incandescent lights, fuel oil furnaces, V-8 pickup trucks and more than two kids per household.

Not to mention, almost every family has it's own household without living under a bridge or in a culvert like the honest poor. But even though our poor live like the middle class in other "First World" countries, we need to make them believe they're going to be left out just like their more noble brothers and sisters on other continents. Hell, let them believe that being forced to shop at Aldi is the moral equivalent of eating mud and grass in the Sudan and they'll be all into this.

Yes, of course, there will be some collateral damage. Some kids will catch it and die. Actually, proabably a lot of them will. But most of them have some other health issue that's already taxing the health care system anyway, and the rest of them would probably have grown up into fat, smoking, boozing, gun-toting neanderthals anyway. Hey, it's genetic, and that's a comfort to me because I can sleep safe in the knowledge that if I ever decide to polute the planet with offspring, at least they'll be progressives.

This could work. This could work better than AIDs and the ZPG movement did combined. And we'll all be better off for it.

Ah, don't you just love it when a well-made plan falls into place?
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Posted by Mamamontezz at August 14, 2009 09:45 AM | TrackBack