Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room

Munuviana Attacked

In an unprecedented move in the wake of serious attacks on Tuesday, the tiny nation of Munuvia has sealed its borders and begun plans for “The Wall,” a barricade similar to one already being constructed in Israel.

Prime Minister Pixy Misa made the announcement today from an undisclosed location in Outer Mongolia where he had been vacationing with cabinet members and their families.

“The persons responsible for these attacks are cowards of the worst order,” stated the PM. The use of illegal Spam-bomb technology, the timing of the most recent attack, the pattern of attack, each of these leads us to believe that these attacks are not the work of disgruntled individuals or insurgents organized by Blogsnotistanian, but are well funded and well orchestrated attacks by organized mercenary Spammers.”

Casualties were heavy on Tuesday when the latest attack occurred. Hospitals in the capitol city of Ambia filled quickly, as the wounded were moved in from the outlying regions of Munuviana and Ellis Island.

“I don’t believe any were killed in the most recent attack, but there is not a single citizen untouched by the events of the last several weeks,” observed Misa. “They have found their families under attack, their businesses cut off from traffic, and their constitutionally protected rights violated by these terrorists.”

These attacks have caused residents to demand work be sped up on the wall, known in adminstrative circles as Project Firewall. In spite of the obvious benefits provided by such a barrier, however, there have been some problems getting it built.

"The project to construct a wall between the more vulnerable regions of Munuvia and known Spammer hangouts has been in the works for years," stated an undentified bar owner and IT guru involved in Operation Firewall. "But in spite of the safety it would afford our small nation, UN officials and Amnesty International have already denounced it and are calling for a tribunal of nations spearheaded by Nigeria to study it. Can you believe that? Nigeria, of all places. Spamming is the greatest part of their GNP."

"Next thing you know," added a patron seated at the bar, "we'll be forced to give these terrorists land for a homeland within our own borders. And we know how well that works. Look at Gaza."

The Cotillion, a think tank of conservative women with offices located in the green zone in central Munuvia City, suffered extensive damage during the attack on Tuesday, but was able to rebound quickly. Workers from several private US and Pan Pacific defense contractors were onsite within hours, securing the perimeter and providing a much needed visual respite for the women in the facility.

“We were not terribly concerned about being overrun during this wave of attacks,” stated Cotillian spokesman e-clair, blogger with a penchant for witty remarks at the end of each group post. “We’re well armed, both literally and metaphorically. And unlike other think tanks, we actually are able to defend our statements. That one fact seems to attract the sort of situation we saw here in Munuvia on Tuesday. We hate to think that it was our recent move to this lovely country that precipitated these attacks, but it certainly would appear to have been a factor.”

Affected Munuvians spent the night in temporary shelters, anxiously awaiting the end of the attack and the return of service to their stricken nation. Members of the USAir Force Security Force, under the watchful eye of Slaglerock, provided security for both the shelters and the affected sites.

Working with local law enforcement, Slaglerock’s contingent also kept the local morale up by providing a temporary beach volleyball court and several teams for pairs play with residents, who were appreciative of the vast improvement in scenery.

“There’s just something to be said for the men providing security here,” commented Anika, a longtime resident of Munuvia. “They work hard, they apparently play hard, and they look great doing it. And just because the women of Munuvia are intelligent and discerning doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the human form.”

Posted by Mamamontezz at August 24, 2005 07:16 PM | TrackBack