July 22, 2005

Stress can have it's positive aspects.

In the midst of chaos and dread and fear and self-doubt, sometimes good things happen. It can happen with amazing subtlty, or it can strike like a lead pipe to the back of the head complete with stars and delerium.

And the things that can happen. Oh, the wonderous things! And the people. People who give support and help and love... who open their hearts and carry the load for long enough to let your own heart sing, if even briefly, and to heal.

Since the my week of happiness and acceptance in March at the Texas Blogfest, I have endured financial hardship, the loss of my cars, and blessings beyond compare from beautiful people. I released my bitterness, opened my heart, and was found by love in places I never imagined.

I found and celebrated my own power, and the knowledge that it does not come from any other person, but from that place deep within me where I sit and converse with G-od. I also learned that submission and surrender are not weakness, but are the natural companions of trust, love and respect, to be given or accepted as beautiful gifts.

And I lost 30 pounds. I didn't even know that I had until this morning.

So we will get though it all. I will get through it all, dragging the rest behind me if need be, kicking and screaming. Today, I begin to sell off the useless trappings and posessons I have accumulated for which I have no use. Today, I start up my website for the items that were too specialized and different for the crowds at Ebay to notice. Today I begin anew, naked, at square one, a rebirth. I have reached the bottom, there is no place to go but up.

Posted by Mamamontezz at July 22, 2005 05:39 PM | TrackBack

The experiences you have endured serve to highlight just how frail and interdependent we really are, hope it truly gets better from now on out. Have a great weekend Mama, it's good to see you back.

Posted by: Jack at July 23, 2005 01:54 PM

Ya just do what ya gotta do--and if you're down, you look to your friends for help. Even if it's something too personal for you to relate to anyone, you can at least look around you at the good folks you share company with. There have been days lately when I feel alone and worthless--and all I have to do to cure that passing feeling is sit for a few minutes and list off the names of trustworthy friends that come to my mind. I'm usually smiling again before the tenth name. The fact that I lose count at twenty speaks volumes.

Hang in there, hon. Some of us are quieter than others, but we're all standing behind you, sending you our best wishes. *hug!*


Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at July 24, 2005 08:10 AM

Things will get better Mama,Denita is right you have lots of friends and that is what lifes all aboout Family ,Friends,Love.
Glad your back and congrats one loosing 30 lbs.That takes will power.
Hope to see you at the next Blog Fest

Posted by: LC-IB. NEilV at July 25, 2005 09:38 AM

I wish you well. I have faith in you, you can do it, it may take a lot of hard work, but I know you can. I have been on the bottom three times in my long life and I always went back up. It took a lot of hard work and I learned to do without a lot of things, but, I got most of it back. Take care and keep it up girl, Cat

Posted by: Catfish at July 25, 2005 01:36 PM
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