Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room

Sending Old Men To War

My sister sent me this, I don't know who wrote it, but it fits me....I wish they would let ME go in the place of some young turk with his whole life before him;
I would like to believe I could still give a good accounting of myself (a few remarks are mine):

If I could, I'd enlist today and
help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands
of innocent people in New York City
and Washington DC. (HOO-AH!)

But, I'm over 50 now
and the Armed Forces say I'm too old
to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 35
to join the military.

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join
until you're at least 35. (well, still let the young-uns join, but use us old farts in the rough stuff first!)

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex
a couple of times a day, (well, I guess I'm STILL 18 in this area LOL)
leaving us more that 28,000
additional seconds per day to
concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough
to be cranky,
and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy
we'll complain them into submission.
"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?" (This one fits me to a tee!)

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until
you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand,
has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer
by the time he's 35 and
a jaunt through the desert heat
with a backpack and M-60
would do wonders for the old beer belly. (I could SURE use this!)

An 18-year-old
doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys get up early every morning to pee. (not to mention get up half the night!)

If old guys are captured
we couldn't spill the beans because
we'd probably forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number
would be a real brainteaser. (what was the question?)

Boot camp would actually be easier
for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed
and yelled at (I've been married twice, I don't even hear the yelling any more)

and we actually like soft food.
We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the
obstacle course however.
I've been in combat and
I didn't see a single 20-foot wall
with rope hanging over the side,
nor did I ever do any pushups
after completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now,
"Get down and give me...er...one."

And the running part
is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old
has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave,
to actually carry on a conversation,
and to wear pants without
the top of his butt crack showing and
his boxer shorts sticking out.
He's still hasn't figured out that
a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker
in the back seat of a Honda Accord
can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life
before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those
dirty rotten cowards
who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Posted by Delftsman3 at November 8, 2004 03:45 AM